The End Of Days Will Be AWESOME

Afterwards when I say things like, “Yeah man, I saw Fall Out Boy at the Concord in Brighton with a crowd of only 100 people before they became commercial and emo.” That doesn’t sound so cool anymore because they are ‘gay’ now, but you get the picture.

My iTunes was packed to the brim with obscure bands that also gave me something cool to reference. After moving to Egypt, I slowly lost my lust for new music as no one really shared my love for sounds which didn’t come out of the mouth of Adam Levine or, the other end of the scale, Pink Floyd.

I started settling for the scraps of international talent that happen to befall our country but at the end of the day, I didn’t really have any interest in risking my life to see Akon’s stage collapse. It did not entice me to see a once-brilliant EDM star like David Guetta sell out to a crowd of elite fascist cunts at the Four Seasons whilst soulless people walked about with champagne and prostitutes. It was not fun to sit in a car for 5 hours and walk through the desert for another 3 to see the last 10 minutes of Shakira belly swiveling. At least I thought it was Shakira. I was too far away and it may have just been a tall lamp or a mirage, It did not tickle my fancy to have an overweight Mariah Carey lip-sync shitty outdated love songs from a stage a mile away from the crowd so that people didn’t see her wobbling as we were all hypnotised by tonnes of Etisalat branding, I couldn’t give a fuck about Kylie Minogue’s Louboutins tapping about at the Pyramids whilst my ex-girlfriend ear-fucked me about Kylie Minogue’s Louboutins. Then there was Akon. Again. At a wedding. I wished the stage had collapsed. Again.

But alas, there is salvation on the horizon. Thanks to those crazy cats at Awesome Magazine, I now have a gig in Egypt that I am genuinely looking forward to…