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Cairoscene's Person Of The Year

With Time magazine’s recent announcement of Barack Obama as their Person of the Year (again), we at CairoScene started thinking about all the other people we know, love and/or hate who are far more deserving of this title.

With the year drawing to a close, we nominate some of Egypt’s movers and shakers for our own Person of the Year competition and believe us – this is going to be a close one. Read about our nominees below and head to ourFacebook page to vote for who you think deserves the mother of all titles. Results will be announced on the 31st of December!

Tawfik Okasha

Having essentially predicted everything that happened in Egypt in 2012, for some reason Tawfik Okasha is still mocked as a bumbling idiot. But beneath his crazy exterior – claims that he can rally up 3 million supporters and an obsession with ‘revolutionary milk’ don’t really help – this man is clearly a visionary genius. One can only hope that his nomination as CairoScene’s Person of the Year will help him pay back what he owes in TV station license fees.

Bassem Youssef

Political satirist and all-round funny man, we applaud Mr. Youssef for flying the flag for “fascist cunts” around Egypt. That is to say, when he makes fun of the ridiculousness of Egypt’s current situation and the prominent faces of the ruling regime, everyone laughs, yet when CairoScene does it, we’re faced with a shit-show of abuse. Remember when you all called us “fascist cunts”????? Yeah, we dare you to say that to Bassem Youssef. We DARE YOU.

Aly Baghat

Already awarded the title of  ‘THE GREATEST MOTHERFUCKING DJ IN THE UNIVERSE’ by CairoScene, it’s now your chance to make disk jockey Aly B the greatest PERSON in the universe. Between his incredible electro/nu-disco/deep house mixes and his side boob, we’ve fallen in love with his game changing beats.

Cairo Gossip

The original Egyptian gossip site that spawned a thousand and one young pretenders, Cairo Gossip is nominated for making sure we know that if we’re not at a party, we’re nothing. Always first in the know, CG is like the Jedi of nightlife, charming us with his/her zoological helpers and kindergarten-level grammar.

Elham Shahin

There’s not a young Egyptian alive who doesn’t, in some way or another, see Elham Shahin as a mother-figure. The hyperbolic head of the Egyptian soap opera throne recently cemented her position by suing Sheikh Abdullah Badr – who, on live TV, accused her of “Teaching young girls nudity and adultery” – gaining him a year in prison and a 20,000LE fine.

Laila Sedky

Laila Sedky is to cupcakes in Egypt, what Bob Marley is to reggae in Jamaica. The concept of miniature cakes has gone from half-eaten, pink monstrosities at children’s birthday parties, to the lifeline of every chic get-together, concert, exhibition and Masonic suicide cult in the country and it’s all thanks to the razor-sharp entrepreneurial queen.

Smiley Roushdi

What can we say about Smiley? He is the backbone of Cairo360.com and Events Republic and, apparently, the sound of your hand gently slapping the back of his gloriously shiny head is pure ecstasy.

Bey2ollak

Before Bey2ollak, we were just headless chickens on the street caught in a never ending clusterfuck of bad driving and traffic. Thanks to the clever clogs who built this life-changing app, we now know when to leave our houses and how to get where we’re going with minimal fuss and road rage.

The Bawab

Who’s there for you to pick you up from the floor after a night out, and argue with the driver who’s taxi you’ve just vomited in? The bawab. Who’s there to remind you that it is not actually your house you’re trying to get into after a night out, but next door’s garage? The bawab. Who’s there to entertain you with village gossip during those long Ramadan nights? The bawab. What would we do without them?

Mr. Mosh-Killa

The most despicable agony uncle you’ll ever encounter, Mr. Mosh-Killa lives and dies by the truth. His regular advice column on CairoScene has been sorting out Egyptian’s issues (and we have a lot of them) with a sharp tongue and brilliant, if not immoral, solutions.

DJ Tree

Seldom seen but often heard, DJ Tree is Deep House maestro Tamer Auf’s partner in crime. What crime exactly? Making you dance your bloody balls off.

El7asheshBkam.com

With too many internet entrepreneurs creating complicated start ups for things that confuse us,the anonymous geniuses behind el7asheshbkam.com are a breath of intoxicating air. The super-simple interface that uses crowd-sourcing algorithms to make sure we, as hash consumers, are not ripped off deserves more than a CairoScene nomination. Someone call the Nobel Prize people ASAP.

Mohamed El Baradei

Nobel laureate and all-round nice guy turned freedom fighter, Mohamed El Baradei is a straight up G. He never gets angry or worked up, avoids the public eye and is now Egypt’s sole hope at a proper constitution. Plus, his round glasses are like, sooooo in right now.

Sabah

The Lebanese legend is on this list for one reason: she’s still alive. At 85 years of age and with a reported 3,500 songs in her repertoire, we want some of what she’s having.

X-Men Sticker

We still don’t know if this is some cruel artistic joke on our 90 million + population, a symbol for some elite group of other-worldly superheroes trying to send us a message or a mistake from Chinese factory sticker exporter. Either way, you can’t turn a corner in Cairo anymore without seeing the silhouette of a man wearing an X-Men t-shirt.

Abdel Magid Mahmoud

Public prosecutor of the Mubarak-era, Abdel Magid Mahmoud was quickly dismissed as the protector of the feloul following the 25th January revolution. Nevertheless, Mahmoud has proved himself as a political power player being one of the first to stand up against the Muslim Brotherhood, pitting Egypt’s judiciary against the ruling regime.

Ahmed The Tamarai Bouncer

The guardian of the elite, the dementor of the commoners and the angel at the pearly white gates of high society, Ahmed The Tamarai Bouncer can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but Godammit, we love him.

Mohamed El-Sawy

Formerly thought of as the purveyor of culture in Cairo, it only took Mohammed El-Sawy a few months before he showed his true colours. A member of the constitution-drafting assembly, El-Sawy showed support for the Muslim Brotherhood’s Sharia ideals, so we don’t really know what to think of him anymore.

The Street Cat

Once a creature of worship in this very country, we have nothing but praise for the street cat’s expertise in vermin control. In an unfortunate turn of events, however, these humble critters are now feared, vilified and kicked around.  But why? They’re great – they finish up our left over Hardee’s orders and make for good target practise. Who hasn’t played Run Down El Otta?

Egypt’s Olympic Synchronised Swimming Team

Oh the high hopes we had for this gaggle of able-bodied girls! We should have known that things were likely to turn sour when Egyptian Olympians reported receiving fake Nike apparel before heading to London. Nevertheless, the 9 synchronised swimmers held their heads up high before coming in second-to-last in the rankings. Even then, they were ecstatic just to be there.

Now you’ve read all about our nominees, it’s time to vote. Head to our Facebook album and click ‘Like’ on your favourite to help them win the coveted title of CairoScene’s Person of the Year.


Todays Events
Say Whaaat!? ft. Feedo @ Cairo Jazz Club
Clubs
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 10:00pm - 3:00am
Venue: Cairo Jazz Club
Wine & Dine @ Bogali
Bars
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 9:00pm - 3:00am
Venue: Bogali
Juventus Vs Barcelona @ Underground
Bars
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 9:30pm - 11:30pm
Venue: Underground Cairo
Board Games Night @ Room Art Space
Variety
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 7:00pm - 11:30pm
Venue: Room Art Space
Mazaher Ensemble Abu ElGheit & Tanboura Zar
Concerts
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Venue: Egyptian Center for Culture & Art
Storytelling W/ Arfa Abdel Rassoul @ Zat
Workshop
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 6:00pm - 10:00pm
Venue: Studio Zat
True Self: A Kundalini Yoga Workshop @ Osana
Workshop
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 11:30am - 2:30pm
Venue: Osana Family Wellness
Happy Hours @ Bogali
Bars
Date: 11/22/2017
Time: 5:00pm - 8:00pm
Venue: Bogali