Gloria Gaynor & the Revolution

When I feel blue and Häagen-Dazs just won’t do, I summon a friend I share a unique connection with and she pops up into my space to bring tranquility to my mind. I am talking of course about Gloria Gaynor. Not only is her name so sexy that it can induce an erection by itself, but her song I Will Survive helped me through many moments of suffering in my life,  namely my April 2008  battle with the clingy monster known as bawasir.

What happens is that I close my eyes and picture Gloria’s sumptuous hips swirling around me like a glorious planet taunting its axis. Then I utter the magic poetic words of “a7a el shebsheb daa3!”  Suddenly, Gloria appears in front of me, beautiful as always, with a microphone in hand and a hug so filling that it evacuates all anxieties from the system. Now, I feel like a Cairo street on a 3eid day and the healing process can begin. 

“Hey there my little basbousa, why the long face? Hemorrhoids back in town?

“No Malteser Mama,  this time shit is having it easy.”

“Diarrhea?”

“What? No, I mean there is shit dripping from everywhere. Nothing seems real.”

“What is reality but the limits of your conscience?”

“Ummm ok… But more tangibly, the anniversary of the revolution is approaching and I feel uneasy. The country is divided into camps and I feel alone,  like I don’t even have an umbrella.”

“Well wear that hat from that stupid picture of yours…”

“Aren’t we bitchy today? Where is that I will survive attitude?”

“I’m sorry, I always feel edgy when I am in Zamalek.  People keep putting aprons on me…”

“Fuck that. Will you survive?”

“You know it, baby. And you will too”

“You think so?”

“Yes. Concentrate on the micro a bit. Build thy self. The macro is too big of a burden on the soul.”

“But…”

“I know…you need me to sing in to you so you can move on and be at peace.”

“You have always been good people Glorz…Serenade me with the melodies of the revolution…”

Hit it Master Zuli (click here for instrumental version of the song so you can sing along):

At first I was afraid I was Morsified

Kept thinking I could never live without the old regime by my side

But then I spent so many nights

Thinking how they did us wrong

And I grew strong

Accepted that girls could no longer wear a thong

And so the pack

Entered the race

I just walked around Tahrir

 Found bearded men all over the place

I couldn’t help but say “oh fuck”

But they assured they came in peace

So we joined forces for just one second

To fight against Shafik

Go on now go, walk through the door

Don’t turn around now

Democracy isn’t a whore

Weren’t you the one that said the revolution was a pie?

An apple crumble

From which we would all get a bite

Oh no not I, I will survive

Oh as long as I have Him to love

Fingers will always stand in 5

I’ve got all my bubble to live

And I got all my brain to give

And I will survive

I will survive

Morsi came in with strength and then fell apart

Kept trying to feed us the thesis of the Morshed’s heart

And I spent so many nights

Watching the magless on TV

I used to cry

To what was funny when I was high

Then you told me, let’s try something new

Let’s marry little girls and tell Ethiopia Boo

And then you felt like dropping in

With Constitutional decrees

It seems that you were saving all your loving for those in the MB

So go now go, walk out the door

Just turn around now

You’re not welcome anymore

Weren’t you the one that tried to close Tamarai?

You think I’d crumble

You think I’d move to Dubai?

Oh no, not I. I will survive

Oh as long as I have Him to love

Fingers will always stand in 5

I’ve got all my bubble to live

And I got all my brain to give

And I will survive

I will survive!

It took all the strength I had to go down from the apart*

Kept trying' to find my driver but he wasn’t a la carte

But then came the shiny knight

To re-arrange the shelf, and Misr 25

Was finally booted a bye bye

And now you see me, somebody new

I’ve got that itchy little urge to start anew

And so if you feel like dropping in

With a little killing spree

You can do so with all my loving, coz they gave no love to me

Go on now go, tank to the core

Point it all around now

Make a Tarantino set decor

Weren't you the one who tried to sell the Sinai?

Did you think I'd be humble?

When it’s easier to digest a lie?

Oh no, not I. I will survive

Oh as long as I have Him to love

Fingers will always stand in 5

I’ve got all my bubble to live

And I got all my brain to give

And I will survive

I will survive, I will serve….vive

*apartment