High-ley Cyrus?

In exactly the same amount of time it took her to chuck off her southern, good girl skin and transform into the crotch-grabbing, twerk goddess she is now, queen of inappropriate Miley Cyrus has blessed us with another one of her weirdly hypnotic antics. Ever since her VMA performance, her career has been like this fascinating train wreck that's just waiting to happen. It's a disaster of a mess, yet my eyes refuse to look away from it (stupid eyes). From smoking a joint on stage to putting a microphone up to her crotch and riding giant hot dogs on her Bangerz tour (I'm not even kidding at this point), you'd think she's done it all, and that you yourself has seen it all.

Well, allow me to correct you on that front. (The video IS explicit)

Now I'm not one to be easily shocked or offended. In fact, I value my high tolerance for all things quirky and odd. Yet, in her latest grab for relevance and attempt at furthering her true "bad bitch" self, Miley has managed to seemingly render me speechless. Her collaboration with The Flaming Lips on their new video is everything that is wrong with this planet. It needs to be stopped. Immediately. The worst part is that it's so bad, you can't help but watch it over and over and over again. Luckily, my bout of speechlessness didn't last for long because (as expected), I have a lot to say this about this monstrosity.

The video starts with Miley drooling, and then a girl who has a hitherto-undiscovered medical condition that turns her lips into an eye vomits pink paint. The frames are choppy and cut abruptly from one scene to another in an attempt to be artistic. We then see Miley passed out on a bed, surrounded by pills and holding her rainbow-coloured brain in her hands and I think this is her way of coming out to the world and embracing her sexuality.

The movie then shifts to a weird warlock man with a bad case of laryngitis who's sitting dangerously close to an open flame and has been waiting for his blonde girlfriend who is "finally, finally" here. We are then exposed to his severe self-image issues as he unsuccessfully attempts to hide his face with his tiny, tiny hood. Apparently, they all want Miley's gay brain and he orders his girlfriend to go steal it.

There is then a colourful water beetle swimming around happily, and the blonde girlfriend steals the brain in the nude, wearing glittery confetti strips and being stealthy as fuck.

Cut back to the ugly warlock man with the self-image issues, who is obviously having a seizure.

Miley finally wakes up and screams, inquiring as to the whereabouts of her brain. At this point, I (and probably the rest of the world) am wondering the exact same thing.

Then we see a worm-faced Santa and a weird elephant man things probably attending a Student DJ class, and Miley screams at them in the worst accent I've ever heard how they have to "get that bitch." I'm assuming the bitch is nude blonde Ninja.

There is Pepsi being spilt in weird globules and is by far one of the best commercials Pepsi has ever done.

The cast of That 70s Show appear, wearing rainbows and mushrooms. This is obviously a video about coming out and accepting other people regardless of their sexuality.

There is a scene of a boat sailing away. Is that a scene from Jaws? I really liked Richard Dreyfuss, and for a brief second, I was hoping we'd get to watch Jaws again. It's either that or an abstract image of The Flaming Lips' career sailing away.

We cut to a scene of Miley doing her best Indian Goddess, and mumbling weird things. I'm pretty sure she is saying "where has my career gone?" strictly followed by "Does AA have a Twitter account?"

The blonde "bitch" is in a river and is diligently washing Miley's brain. At this point, I don't even know who I am. Where is the warlock man? Will Tyra Banks be featured in this?

Miley deals with the theft of her brain maturely in the best way she knows how: smoking up and wondering about AA. The blonde "bitch" is now making out with Miley's brain. Is Miley trying to tell us that's her girlfriend?

That poor girl with the lip condition is still vomiting, yet no one seems to want to help her.

The warlock man is back. I think HE is Tyra Banks.

There is a shot of the blonde bitch's cellulite. She obviously needs liposuction.

The warlock is obviously wondering about AA as well…

The blonde bitch is frolicking around in glitter, and now I'M definitely sure it's a metaphor for Miley's sexuality (because no straight girl would ever break up with Liam Hemsworth. Ever).

Everyone is running now. Miley is still wondering about her life choices.

Now everything is exploding, and there's a brief flash of Miley eating a girl out.

The blonde bitch who needs plastic sugery is still frolicking in glitter.

A hippie Volkswagen Beetle rolls up and worm-faced Santa and a weird elephant man start chasing and manage to capture Miley's nude girlfriend. They shove her in the trunk (obviously to avoid causing fetna with her nudity). There is a shout-out to the Egyptian Revolution with the pink tear gas. 

At this point, I may or may not have stopped paying attention to this weird train wreck of a film. If I do understand correctly however, it's a nice spin on the issue of accepting your sexuality, the importance of liposuction and one wicked Pepsi commercial.