My Food Manifesto

I pity the fools. It’s like letting Hunter S. Thompson loose on Daytona Beach during Spring Break. As the man said: “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

So, you want to know what I think about food? Here is my current set of rules. (Most lists go up to 10, but mine goes to 11, so it’s better.)

1. Don’t eat to live; live to eat.

2. Taste is important, but so is nutrition, the environment, and fair labor practices (Sub-rule: Fuck Fuddruckers and any place that cooks like Fuddruckers.)

3. E=MC²

4. If you don’t get number 3, stop reading and unfollow me on Twitter. Now.

5. “Eat [real] food. Not too much. Mostly vegetables,” – Michael Pollan

6. If you don’t get number 5, unfriend me from Facebook. Now.

7. We will, we will, rock you.

8. Try anything at least once.

9. “Organic” comes from the root word “organ”, in exactly the way you imagine.

10. Be a locavore. Don’t buy food from huge corporations that screw the planet for profit.

11. It’s all relative. (See number 3).