Stupidest Shit Ever: #Galaxy11

I habitually visit football websites every day to find out results, transfer and squad news. I don’t know why I still do this as I’m pretty disillusioned with the beautiful game these days. I noticed something peculiar started popping up a couple of months ago; these very clearly paid-for article spots about ‘mysterious’ icons and beings appearing at famous landmarks and stadiums around the world. There was no sense of irony or sarcasm about it: it was pushed down footy enthusiasts' throats like Mama’s ma7shy. First there was a ‘sighting’ of giant footballs emblazoned with an alien insignia at a training facility in London.Then at Times Square...

And then. ‘mysterious’ alien (face-painted) figures appeared in the crowds at a Chelsea V Man City game, which stirred up more excitement.

 And then this interview came out...

The stupidest fucking interview I have ever seen. They humiliated two-time World Cup winner and legend Franz Beckenbauer. You can tell how disgusted and embarrassed he is with the whole situation but alas, they probably humiliated him right to the bank. “These aliens have come to challenge the human race to a game of football for the fate of the planet,” he says sternly, as if Martin Scorsese and Danny Cannon got together and said “Hey, so Transformers is a piece of shit which made loads of money, Goal! was a piece of shit that made loads of money, if we can combine the two film concepts together we can make a SHIT load of money.” The most amusing thing is that German’s are notoriously serious, but when a German is trying to be serious it’s hilarious, and more see-through than ma7shy koromb. Not to mention that, even if it’s supposed to come off as satire, the interviewer is literally reading off cue cards as if he's in a school play.

Now, if the world was being invaded by aliens, many things would have happened before a German footballer decided to play real life Football Manager. For starters, MI7, FBI, Roswell peeps... yeah, all those mofos woulda been on that shit in a flash with probes… nukes… autopsies. I mean, they wouldn’t be allowed into fucking football stadiums to watch Chelsea play Man City unless they were calling back Joleon Lescott to headquarters.

Furthermore, let’s say this is a viable situation and aliens are just soccer fanatics and this is how they settle beef throughout the galaxy, and government officials decided to put the fate of the earth in Franz Beckanbauer’s hands, wouldn’t you go for someone like Maradona? He’d probably take the aliens out to a coke bar in Bolivia a couple of days before the match... Can you imagine that? Aliens on coke! “Yo, yo, yo Maradona, you wanna see the real Hand of God?” They’d have a whale of a time and this whole match to save the world nonsense would be forgotten about. The whole thing just makes more of a mockery of the beautiful game.

Then I noticed that the film was uploaded by SAMSUNG.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So, basically, Samsung are targeting stupid people, ergo the Samsung Galaxy is so simple to use, even an idiot could own one. Genius.