What We'll Miss About Ramadan
Now that the holy month is nearing its end, we're starting to develop a sense of pre-nostalgia for all those things we're gonna miss - yes miss - about it...
Yes, yes we get it. It’s nearly Eid… wooooooo! Party time! Excellent! Yeaaah! Throw your pious in the bin and get your pina coladas out because it’s going to get haramadan up in here! Woooo, EID = Everyone is Drunk! Woooo! Let’s all go masturbate on pentagrams come Monday. Yeaaah!....
No. No, just stop. Let’s try to be honest with ourselves here. Were you really ever that happy before, living day to day by your hedonistic ways without any sense of willpower or resistance?? How about during Ramadan? Did you feel somewhat at ease? Somewhat yourself again? Now, we realize the hypocritical nature of endorsing some sort of sabbatical on alcohol and animalistic tendencies once Ramadan is over, considering the fact that the next article after this is more than likely promoting a million and one events where you can act like an inebriated animal during Eid. But all we’re asking is you take a second, chill out, don’t dial your dealer's last number and think back over the last month. It’s been quite… well it’s been quite nice hasn’t it?
Family
Family? What? Who? Oh those randoms who are always walking around your house asking you for things? Oooooh, yeaaah, them. Almost through a process of elimination due to a lack of things to do during the holy month, you have been forced to spend time with your relatives. Maybe at first you were stuck to your phone gawking at your friends on Instagram who have skipped Cairo around the same time Drinkies notified everyone to stock-up. You begrudgingly sit whilst you hear a white noise of babbling at the iftar table as the family goes on about mosalsalat, and aunt Hanane and the intracies of ma7shy.
But slowly over the days that white noise becomes clearer, your smartphone finds itself further and further from the table, until all of a sudden you’re sitting having an actual human conversation with your brother/mother/sister/father and you remember that these randoms are actually quite cool, they know me quite well, huh. Go figure? Maybe we should do this whole family thing more often!
Work
Even if it was accompanied by some stomach rumbling, in Ramadan we get to finish work early. Recently the world’s second richest man, 74 year old Telmex CEO Carlos Slim suggested a radical overhaul to the standard work week. Just a three day work week. Contrary to popular belief, constant hard-work does not produce consistently good results. As humans we’re just not built to slave away for 40 hours a week, it’s a social construct fabricated to facilitate a rabid capitalist system. Our brains need time to switch off. As humans we need space for leisure and deserve a better quality of life, so finishing work at 3 or 4 PM every day just makes more sense. Good luck trying to tell your boss that though.
Money
Unless you're the 300 EGP set menu iftar everyday type, Ramadan usually means your little piggy bank does not go to market. The amount of money spent on absolutely pointless outings with beer after beer after drugs after beer after bottle, and the lazy afternoon Hardees meal; these are all things of a hazy distant past, and all of a sudden your wallet is bulging as big as your post-iftar kirsch. No need to wack it all on some gaudy Eid parties. Buy Mama something nice. Remember her?
Sex
Now of course this varies, depending on each person’s liberalism in the Holy month, but for the most part the anxiety of ‘hooking up’ thankfully fades away and is replaced with a new appreciation for the soul of the person you’d usually lust over.
Kunafa
Kunafa. All the kunafa. All the glorious flakey piles of golden kunafa.
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