Hot Take: French Isn’t the Language of Love, It's Arabic.

You’ve probably heard about the idea of each person having a distinct love language and you’ve also probably done one of those online tests to find out which is yours, but, as a British languages student, I’ve often found myself questioning: which language is the language of love? Most people, and Google, will tell you it's French. Maybe you’ll ask others and they’ll tell you it's Spanish or Italian, because surely it's got to be a language from the romance family. However, it's become clear to me that it's Arabic…

Throughout my experience studying Arabic and being in Egypt, I’ve come to the conclusion that, naturally, the most complex language is the one most capable of talking about love, itself the most complex feeling humans can experience. Here are five beautiful expressions I’ve learned that helped shed light on what makes Arabic the true language of love…

بصلة المحب خروف

Translating literally as “an onion from a lover is (a flock of) sheep”, this proverb expresses the transformative power of love, with both positive and negative evocations. An onion, something basic and cheap, turns into something beautiful and valuable when offered to you by someone you love. Between the lines: anything your lover touches turns to gold. This expression therefore connotes the mad obsession, head-over-heels kind of feeling experienced early on in a relationship, and also hints at the way love makes you a bit delusional sometimes. Which is cute, until this delusion stops you from seeing straight. Like, really, imagine if someone you loved bought you an onion for your birthday and your blinding obsession made you think this was okay. The bottom line: love makes you see the world through a rose-tinted lens, but you should probably clean-slash-remove this lens from time to time.

حبيبك يبلع الزلط وعدوك يتمنى لك الغلط

“Your lover would chew gravel for your sake whilst your enemy waits to see you make a mistake…” My professor at AUC, Doctor Mona Kamel, deserves a lot of credit for taking the time to explain this one to me, (think like in the range of 20 minutes upwards). In short, it evokes the polars of intense love and hatred, whilst conjuring all that lies in between. “Your lover would chew gravel,” as Ustadha Mona told me, “means your lover would do anything for you, and would literally break their jaw chewing rocks if this was in your best interest.” At the same time, an enemy, or someone who dislikes you, watches eagerly to see your demise.  Although seemingly a very clear distinction, this proverb reminds us how easily a key reg flag-green flag binary can be confused. Someone who genuinely loves you wants the best for you and actively looks to support your personal, emotional growth. If a lover does not do this, actively or passively sabotaging you, is it really love? This proverb ultimately evokes the ironic yet constant collapse of such a blatant polarity.

إن كان حبيبك عسل متلحسوش كله

Translating roughly as, “If your lover were honey, don’t consume them all at once,” before clarifying what this meant with teachers and friends, I was pretty certain that this was like the Arabic despacito. The temptation to envision your wedding with someone you met and developed a crush on a week ago often looms large. However, haste is usually the number one relationship killer. My interpretation of this expression was yes, love is sweet, like honey, and the initial sugar rush and temptation to move fast at the start of a relationship is overwhelming, but ultimately, if you take it slow, it has a better chance of working out in the long term. However, Ustadha Mona told me that the underlying message here is more along the lines of, don’t exploit your lover’s generosity. If you know someone loves you, and is willing to do anything for you, (like, say, eat gravel), you should not take this for granted. As tempting as it is to use having someone wrapped around your little finger to your advantage, this proverb reminds us that good things, like honey, aren’t limitless. In today’s materialistic world where consumer culture has polluted the essence of what generosity is, every gift or gesture should be appreciated and celebrated.

وصفولي الصبر لقيته خيال  و كلام في الحب

I’ve learned that Arabic, love and Umm Kulthum have become so entwined that lyrics from her songs have almost gained proverbial status. From the song ‘Daret ِEl Aywa’, this expression translates literally as, “They explained patience to me, and I heard fantasies and words of love,” and provides another warning against haste and rash decisions in love. In today’s fast-paced society that searches for instant solutions and quick fixes to complex problems, patience, a quality so intrinsic to longevity in love, is overlooked. Through these words, Umm Kulthum invites us to ponder the synonymy between patience and love. Applicable to both romantic and platonic love, this expression reminds us firstly, of the importance of taking things slow, and secondly, that enduring our loved-one’s flaws, supporting them through difficult times, unconditionally waiting for them, is love in its most obvious form.

مرآية الحب عماية

I thought I’d end with something a bit more digestible. “The mirror of love is blind” conveys the simple age-old message, love is blind, (...habibi). I thought the overarching meaning of this expression, as well as communicating an intrinsic love-rule to abide by - don’t judge a book by its cover - is applicable to my revelation, that Arabic is the true language of love. Love should not be based on superficial beauty, as true beauty ultimately lies within. I don’t want to offend anyone, but superficially, Arabic is not necessarily the most beautiful language. Not everyone will agree that it sounds as beautiful as the dulcet tones of French or Italian, (I’m thinking of the guttoral sounds of the ayn and qaf… especially when butchered by non-native speakers). For a non-native speaker, Arabic  is not a welcoming language; it doesn’t come easily and it doesn't embrace you with open arms. However, if you dig a bit deeper, and peel back the layers of the language (like those of the onion we encountered earlier), it is a truly rich, alive language, perforated and pierced with love.

So if I had to come to any conclusion, yes, Arabic is confusing, but so is love. Therefore, due to its harsh, guttural sounds and reputation tarnished byWestern news headlines, Arabic and love, at first sight, seem perhaps a bit incompatible to a foreigner. But truly, due to the complexity they have in common, Arabic and love are a match made in heaven.