Saturday 3 of December, 2022
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Awesome Renaissance Plan

Worried about the morality of your fellow Egyptians. You should be. Luckily, Adam Mowafi has a plan.

Staff Writer

In our currently illegal constitution created by an illegal assembly, it is written that the state is responsible for preserving our morality and that, coupled with the fact that the constitution is based on the principals of Sharia, which is in turn defined by Al Azhar, which is in turn essentially controlled by the Grand Imam, which could potentially be a Salafi soon, shows how fucked we really are.

The issue with this is that it negates the role of an elected government because no matter what the government decides, a non-elected body (Al Azhar) has the final say in what’s wrong or right. What people fail to realise is that the main battle in Egypt will actually be over the coveted seat at the head of Al Azhar. This manipulation of power, combined with our unfortunately high rates of illiteracy and poverty, means that a large part of the Egyptian population is susceptible to being misled and convinced by one person’s potentially selfish definitions of morality and ethics.

We’ve already seen the Salafist movement normalise the once-rarely seen waist-length beard and the looming niqab. Well, I have a couple of ideas to normalise the opposite end of the morality scale. Maybe then we can reach a happy medium. To save our country, I therefore I call on the people Egypt of people to:

- Dress more revealingly.

- Drink more.

- Party like Mubarak is still in power.

- Make sure you recommend the women in your office for promotions and give them support as your leaders.

- Don’t just accept other religions, ensure that you celebrate their holidays too as a sign of solidarity. Frankly, there is no downside to celebrating Eid and joining in on the festivities of Christmas, Hanukah and Diwali.

- When you see a man harassing a women, go and harass that man. Talk about how small is penis must be or how ugly his face his.

- When you see a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, pray for him and say astaghfurallah. It’ll confuse them.

- Shave. Not only you beards but also your moustaches, your hair and your eyebrows.

- When Morsi comes on TV to speak, immediately switch to porn.

I call the above the AWESOME RENAISSANCE PLAN and it will lead us back to the moderate Egypt we so loved. Yes drinking, having more sex, celebrating other faiths’ holidays and watching porn sounds tough BUT it is your MORAL duty.