Saturday 3 of December, 2022
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Is Adly Mansour Secretly Santa?

Abo A7a has a pretty convincing theory...

Staff Writer

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking to figure out who or what Adly Mansour is. Someone told me he’s our interim president with the power to issue any decree he desires and rule through those decress, but I think the person who told me that confused him with Sisi.

The closer I look at him, though, the more things become clear. Adly Mansour is secretly Santa Claus. Think about it. You’re not allowed to see Santa because if you do, he won’t bring you any presents, like constitutional amendments that fail to actually strengthen any of the rights that weren’t properly protected in the 2012 constitution. We basically never get to see Mansour. Also, he definitely looks like the kind of guy who loves milk and cookies. We’re not allowed to see Santa but we have some ancient scriptures that tell us what he might look like such as Twas the Night Before Christmas, penned in 1823:

"He had a broad face and a little round belly
that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly."

Now “little” round belly might seem a bit off when we look at Adly today, but that was written 200 years of Macarona Bechamel ago. Shit happens. We all can understand that. You throw in a little and one could arguably be impressed Mr. Claus Mansour isn’t even bigger.

He also, just like Santa, brings joy to the Egyptian people by giving extremely short speeches that start on time and don’t involve an extended index finger. Thank you, Santa!

Now I know what some of you are thinking... Where’s his beard? It’s a reasonable question. I think he shaved it off because he’s afraid people will think he’s Ikhwan. Think about it. Santa had a beard and was the head of a secret organisation with obedient elves who worked tirelessly for a future goal. He imposes strict notions of being “naughty or nice” on the world’s children, and Egyptian unmarried 32-year-olds who still live at home and receive gifts from Santa (mommy) under the tree. He’s never been willing to give up his rule and refuses to coalesce with the Easter Bunny. He’s religiously sectarian only giving gifts to children of his religion…


Adly Mansour is a secretly sectarian Ikhwangy Santa with a large secret organisation of elves trying to control the world by manipulating its children into conforming to naughty/nice Sharia! He imposes that Santa Sharia by giving no presents if children fail to be nice/halal and engage in naughty/haram acts. He also forces people to buy pictures of him every year mindlessly as some sort of Zionist consumerist conspiracy! He must be stopped!

This is more serious than when Egyptian authorities alerted us to Israel sending those man eating Zionist attack sharks to Sharm from the underground labs of Dr. Evil, All as part of a Zionist plot to destroy the Egyptian tourism industry, thus weakening our hold on Sinai and allowing the Israelis to retake it!

Yaskot Yaskot 7okm Al Santa!