Monday 5 of December, 2022
Download SceneNow app

Million Man Snowball Fight?

CairoScene's resident foreigner feels that a little snow would do Cairo a lot of good...

Staff Writer

Hailing from the northeastern corner of that vast country known as the United States, I am no stranger to snowstorms.  My Dad nagging me to “get out and shovel before we get snowed in,” was an integral part of my childhood during the winter months.

Every year, I would have to sadly resign my frayed, soggy Sperry moccasins to their winter resting place in my closet—essentially shutting the door on summer shenanigans and autumn tomfoolery. Over the past two days, the Northeast has gotten slammed by a real humdinger of a winter storm dumping feet of white powder (not the Colombian brand) upon querulous little New England creatures who are always surprised by the first big storm. I love the snow, as long as I don’t have to shovel it. So all of this buzz about the weather got me thinking that a good ol’ fashion snowstorm may be exactly what Cairo needs right now.

First and foremost, a snowstorm would do wonders to cool down all of the political hotheads in Cairo. A good foot or two of snow in the streets would slow down marches and make organizing protests near impossible. The city would essentially shut down, which may have adverse effects on the economy, but would do wonders for the average Egyptians’ mental health. The MB could exploit the storm and repair its reputation by passing out blankets to Egyptians who have never experienced the freezing temperatures needed to sustain snowfall. On the other hand, leaders of the National Salvation Front would have piles of free building material with which to fortify their compounds and protect against fatwa-heeding loonies.

The political leadership are not the only ones who would benefit from a snowstorm. Imagine how fun a massive snowball fight in Tahrir Square would be. Thousands of people from all walks of life participating in one battle to decide who will be the king of the playground. No more bricks, stones, or Molotov cocktails. No, no, no. I want the Egyptian National Anthem ringing out loud while little Egyptian school children make snow angels in the background. A towering snowman symbolizing Egypt will loom over the square ready to intervene like a mother of the world if her children start to misbehave and act like little brats. The snowball fight will commence, faces will be reddened by tightly packed balls of snow, tears will fall before turning into salty icicles, and fingers and toes will…actually, I promised never to write about Egyptians feet again. But in the end, everyone will hug it out and return home for hot chocolate and marshmallows.

This Cairo boy has a wintry dream…