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TIME’S PERSON OF THE YEAR
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新年快樂

Morsi Time!

Many of you have been reading excerpts of our dear president Morsi’s groundbreaking interview in the latest issue of Time magazine. Many of you have been confused by what he had to say. We asked out political experts to explain...

Most of you, however, were left confused by what he actually said. You see, to the naked eye, Morsi-speak looks like gibberish. Luckily, CairoScene has developed a translating programme to help you decipher what was said...


President Mohamed Morsi: 
“The world stage is very difficult. It’s not easy to be on the world stage. The world is now much more difficult than it was during your revolution.  It’s even more difficult. The world.  More complicated, complex, difficult.  It’s a spaghetti-like structure. It’s mixed up. So we need to somehow take things, easily, so we can go together, the whole world –  peacefully, peacefully, hopefully, all kinds of peace.  I think you know that in general people like to say that we should keep peace by all means. I’m not talking about peace by its traditional meaning. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of living together, socially, culturally, not only militarily.”

Translation:
I had no idea what the world looked liked after 1990 because I was in prison the whole time.  Seems complicated; apparently lots has happened since then. I am hungry and enjoy spaghetti, which is a good metaphor for what the world looks like to me. Peace?

 

President Mohamed Morsi: 
“By the U.S., I mean the American people more than the authorities, politicians, etc.  But the American people as I know are quite friendly, they are civilized, they have struggled, and they have given a lot of their country, to the world.  It’s a different climate as we see from here but I think the media now have made things very close… [i.e., made the world a smaller place] and people are a small village, getting together.

Winds are blowing here and there and people are busy with their lifestyles but I think they are looking to see a better situation in the world during President Obama’s second [term], which is more relaxed.  I want to make use of this myself, to have a very strong bridge between us, between the middle east, middle eastern people, and east and west, and certain balance.  So people can live feeling really that they are living peacefully, that they are settled and well established in their countries. That they are really doing the best at gaining what they expect, to live in peace, to feel democracy, freedom.”

Translation:
America, you are awesome for supporting my dictatorship and thank you for inventing the internet because it’s made it easier for us to keep up with all you cool kids. One day, I’d like to show you my village. And thank you even more for re-electing Obama. He gives you guys so much freedom, and it inspires me to do just the opposite.

 

President Mohamed Morsi:
“People here haven’t experienced any sort of that for more than 30 years — more. Decades living under very suppressive regime, very dictatorial… quite [distant] from the suffering. People felt they were not included in the equation of politics. You know, I’ve been suffering myself. I have seen east and west, here and there, studying history and seeing what’s going on, besides engineering of course. [note: Morsi has a 1982 Ph.D in engineering from the University of Southern California] I have learned a lot from being here and there, especially in the United States, living with the people in the states, and the university, and industry, and the markets and the shops.”

Translation:
People in Egypt have been living under a dictatorship for more than 30 years, so it’s pretty annoying that they want democracy now. I’ve seen democracy myself in the States and I’m over it. They have much better shopping options over there, though.

 

President Mohamed Morsi:
“I remember a movie. Which one? Planet of the Apes. The old version, not the new one. There is new one. Which is different. Not so good. It’s not expressing the reality as it was the first one. But at the end, I still remember, this is the conclusion: When the big monkey, he was head of the supreme court I think — in the movie! — and there was a big scientist working for him,  cleaning things, has been chained there. And it was the planet of the apes after the destructive act of a big war,  and atomic bombs and whatever in the movie. And the scientists was asking him to do something, this was 30 years ago: “Don’t forget you are a monkey.”  He tells him, “don’t ask me about this dirty work,.”  What did the big ape, the monkey say? He said, “you’re human, you did it [to] yourself. “That’s the conclusion. Can we do something better for ourselves?”

Translation:
I like monkeys and Charlton Heston. Planet of the Apes is one of the best movies of all time. OF ALL TIME. Who does Mark Wahlberg think he is? I don’t care if the 2001 remake was directed by Tim Burton, it will never compare to the original. I wish Egypt was full of monkeys. Humans suck.

 

Time:
Is there enough of a buy-in from the society at large on the constitution?

President Mohamed Morsi: 
“They will vote on it.  Now they are sharing their opinions in a committee, a legal committee, elected on. When they finish, then I will take it and put it in debate in society for two weeks or something, then people will vote. It’s their complete responsibility. I can say my opinion.”

Translation:
Basically, I will write the worst constitution in history which is in no way democratic or achieved by consensus, to force religious law and the Muslim Brotherhood control on everyone. They can ‘discuss’ it for a while, I guess….ooohh look, a monkey!

 

Time:
But what about the political environment around it? Don’t events of the last week indicate a society pulling part rather than coming together around it?

President Mohamed Morsi: 
“No, It’s not pulling apart. It’s not pulling apart. It’s a majority and opposition. I can see it very clear. But the opposition is not like it was before. They have the right, they do what they say.  If you have 25% or 30% opposition, that’s a big number. We have [a population of] 90 million.”

Translation:
Have you not seen the polls? It’s not like we ask people to troll online and click and comment on everything in my favour like they’re monkeys. What do you think this is? Planet of the Apes?