As extraordinary events across the Middle East unfold, it has come to our attention that students of the American University in Cairo have decided to occupy their campus in order to air their own set of grievances...
We have been closely following the situation at the American
Embassy University since this morning, and from what we gather their issues are as follows:
1. Hash dealers are frequently prevented from entering the campus by jumped-up security.
2. They refused to allow students to leave class early yesterday afternoon in order to purchase the iPhone 5.
3. Parking spots are not large enough for super cars, in specific, the new Bentley Continental GT.
4. They took their sushi away. (Apparently there was a sushi outlet on campus that was swiftly shut down. No one knows why. Conspiracy theories abound.)
5. The price for paying a faculty member to write their coursework has increased.
6. Security has been increased around the various make-out hot spots on campus.
7. Nails / splinters / perforated edges on lecture hall chairs are fraying their designer jeans.
8. The campus is too far. Like really, really far. There isn’t even an Amici close by.
9. Despite repeated requests, Evian is still not stocked anywhere on campus.
10. They keep trying to teach them stuff.
Keep up to date with the events as they unfold by following the #OccupyAUC hashtag on twitter. We wish our college comrades good luck.Amici