Saturday September 23rd, 2023
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Secret Drone Bases in Cairo?

The Washington Post recently broke a story about a secret US drone base in Saudi Arabia. The story got the conspiracy theorists here at CairoScene thinking: are there any secret drone bases in Egypt?

Staff Writer

Surely, Mubarak would have agreed to such an arrangement for the right price. We cannot confirm nor deny any of this sensitive information, but here are a couple of locations that are prime suspects for secret US drone bases:

1) The Cairo Zoo: Since our office is located so close to the Cairo Zoo, we walk by there at night quite often. On many occasions we have heard strange sounds coming from the zoo grounds. In response to our inquires, zoo officials accredited the sounds to their general mistreatment of animals.

2) The Cairo Tower: There must be a reason why the Cairo Tower is so damn expensive. Of course! They don’t want too many people rooting around the grounds and stumbling across the secret base!

3) The Alexandria Library: Ever wonder where Egypt got the funding to build such a clean, nice building? We suspect that the American dollar had something to do with it. In return, America may have acquired an extremely strategic, maritime location.

4) The fountains at the New AUC campus: The water fountains cool down AUCians during the day, but at night they transform into a launch pad for drones. We are picturing something similar to Batman’s Bat Cave.

5) Lake Nasser: Most people think the Aswan Dam exists to control floods, irrigate lands, and provide hydroelectricity; however, we know better. The dam was a mere pretext for Lake Nasser—which provides the perfect camouflage for a drone base. Those Americans are always thinking ahead.

6) The Cairo Museum: Apparently more than 90% of the artifacts owned by the Cairo Museum are stuffed down in the basement. We think that the museum curators are keeping more than just dirty old mummies hidden down there.

7) Tora Prison: It goes without saying that all kinds of sketchy shit goes down in Egyptian prisons. While we don’t want to know about the rape and torture, we are curious about secret US bases. Maybe that’s why they sent Mubarak there.

8 ) Great Pyramid of Giza: The Great Pyramid of Giza is simply too big for there to be nothing inside of it. Inside sources told us that Mubarak held a secret auction for the real estate space within the pyramid. America won.

9) Rhoda Island: This island must be more than just a transit point for people traveling from Downtown to Giza. Quiet and unassuming, it serves as the perfect location for a secret American base. In the case of discovery, the bridges can be destroyed to buy time for special forces to get rid of the evidence.

10) The Citadel. Secret bases are always where you least expect. Think about it: hiding a secret base in a former military fort. It is ingeniously obvious. Next time you wander through the military museum, check to see if any of the aircraft are still warm to the touch!