For those that don’t know Doctor Morsi, our beleaguered president, has been put up for nomination as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
This sent the Muslim Brotherhood’s E-Army into overdrive, voting for him like their lives depended on it. Perhaps it does. Here are some reasons why we think Morsi should win:
1) Here in Egypt we don’t like change. That’s why we only have 2 clubs at any one time and Egypt Air only changes its movies every 4 years. After the election, there was this brief period where there were several bodies in charge but with Morsi’s latest decrees it goes back to being just one person. Phew.
2) Traffic was bad before in Egypt, but it used to move sometimes. Now we get into our cars and just sit there which is amazing because it allows us time to chat with people in the cars next to us. Thank you Doctor Morsi for helping us meet new people.
3) With the new price of 95 petrol, instead of our roads being blighted with pretty looking cars, we can all drive beat-up Ladas, which is great because we hate change (see point 1).
4) Instead of a massive class division, we’re all equal thanks to Morsi because we’re all poor.
5) Morsi has improved our stamina by training us to live without fans or air conditioning in the height of summer. Cotton sales have grown exponentially.
6) We’re all able to save for a rainy day with all the money we’re not spending on alcohol.
7) The amount of rubbish on the street has increased impressively. This has greatly improved the lives of our stray animal populations. Rats included.
8 ) We are fully aware that a country’s importance is determined by whether it is trending on Twitter or not. #Tahrir is back thanks to Morsi!
9) Public underwear-adjusting and kershes are now socially acceptable.
10) No more porn means no more computer viruses from bangbus.com.
11) There’s a new, blossoming beard-care industry in Egypt. Beard is the new black.
12) We didn’t have enough TV talk shows before.
13) People have finally stopped asking ‘Ahlawy wala Zamalakawy?’ Morsi gives us more important sides to take.
14) Egyptians love weddings. Now we’re being invited to 4 weddings by the same guy!
15) We’ve got loads of brand new walls to draw on in downtown Cairo.
16) Because if we don’t vote for Morsi, we will be “accountable to God & history”: