Abu Sharmouta Fools America

Breaking news: Six students at the University of Houston are held up by gunmen demanding their wallets and cell phones. We are sure at this point you are wondering: why does this matter? How is this news? Is there really nothing else you can cover? The answers are it doesn't matter, it isn't news, and yes, it is slow day for news. However, the reason we are talking about this incident is because the eye witness who is talking to the reporter about the incident has cleverly named himself Abu Sharmouta, which, if you don’t know, translates to Father of a Whore.

What makes this even funnier is that as soon as the assailants showed up in their dorm, Abu Sharmouta instantly ran out claiming he was “hiding in the bushes for an hour and half.” This father of a whore hero wasn’t brave at the time of the incident, but he was brave enough to talk about the incident using a name that highlights how ridiculous easy it is to fool American reporters. To be fair though, the reporter’s name is Crystal Kobza, which also sounds like an Eastern European euphemism, so we can understand the channel’s confusion.  

Apparently, Abou Sharmouta claims that the assailants were African-American and that he recognised one of them from basketball practise. However, the story seems to have ended there without them searching for this basketball player. It makes us think that Abu Sharmouta wasn't likely involved at all in the incident, and jumped at the chance to screw with a upcoming news reporter. If there were any merit to what he was saying, then perhaps they would have showed the bushes he hid in for over an hour, or try to put a face to the ball player he recognised. Or how about just checking his university I.D card? Oh, please America never change, because in the world filled with horrific news, it is rare to be able to laugh anymore, especially at bad news. Thank you Abu Sharmouta.