Bird. James Bird.

According to Reuters, yes, Reuters, we promise we're not making this up... Turkish authorities detained a bird on suspicion it was spying for Israel. This isn't the first time we've heard of animal espionage, remember the special forces sharks sent to kill tourists in Egypt's Red Sea?  Everyone loves a good old conspiracy theory but the level of paranoia that has eclipsed our Earth has reached new levels with this. Next thing we know, we're going to be accusing namoos of being American drones! Oh wait, shit...

Although ties between Turkey and Israel, long lasting military allies, have been tense since May 2010, when Israeli commandoes killed nine Turkish activists, imprisoning an ickle, little bird usually kept as a pet takes things to another level of retardation. And anyways, isn't detaining a bird, sort of just, like, you know, keeping it in a cage?

We managed to get an exclusive interview with the kestrel who was detained, he seemed frazzled, de-feathered and generally spooked. "Brghhh, brghhh, tweet, tweet, bird bum rape, tweet, brghhh," exclaimed the kestrel.

The kestrel has since been released from Turkish authorities after an x-ray showed that there were no "microchips or bugging devices."