Saturday December 2nd, 2023
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Budget Cab Comes To Cairo

Long gone are the days of worrying about a dodgy Taxi ride at 3 AM... Budget Cab is here...

Staff Writer

Imagine this: You’re standing outside a party in Tagamo3 Khames. You are wasted. You only have one shoe on and your mobile battery is dead. Your girlfriend is still inside flirting up a storm after you thought it might be funny to tell everyone that she looks like the female version of Wayne Rooney. You are emotionally damaged and just want to go home to the sweet, stinging caress of a KFC Shrimpo Combo rumbling through your digestive system. You do not have a car. The friends you arrived with have abandoned you. You walk for an hour around the deserted and decrepit apartment compounds that surround the area looking for a taxi. A black and white fiat creeps on from the distance and stops next to you. You’re not exactly sure if it is a taxi but you get in anyways to take you back home to Zamalek. The fear of a stabbing seems more tolerable than the tiring trek around the purgatorial area. You have a splitting headache by this point, but the car starts moving and you breathe a sigh of relief to finally have some time to rest your eyes and re-evaluate your life. The taxi driver then puts Adeweya on full blast and you want to kill yourself. Don’t worry though – the taxi driver does actually stab you before you can follow through…




Imagine this: You have a big pitch, a presentation that could make or break your career. The presentation is at 11am sharp. It’s already past 10 and the driver is nowhere to be found. You ring his phone but all you get is Amr Diab telling you how much he’s in love with you. You contemplate just driving yourself, but you needed the drive over to think through your presentation, go over your notes, get mentally prepared. The worst thing that could possibly happen to you now is the stress and strain of traffic-fuelled frustration. And then, just when you’re about to give up all hope, the driver calls you! His aunt, allah yer7amha, has died. No, it is not the same aunt who died the week before, or indeed the weekend before that, it is in fact a whole other aunt, who was yet to find the most inopportune moment to die. As a result he is currently on the way to the “balad” and the reason he was not able to call you earlier is because his other aunt had borrowed the phone but then subsequently died, so no one could track it down for hours. But hamdullilah, 7asal khier. Except it’s now almost 11 and you may or may not have a job anymore.
Imagine this: Your 10 year-old has a big test today. You’re already running late when you discover that the car won’t start. She is throwing a fit. Miss Emily – the third-rate, over-paid teacher from some village in England  – “is going to be sooo mad.” Your four year-old has started whining, tugging at your top, doing that super annoying high-pitched squeal because it’s Fairytale Dress Up day at playschool today and she’s going to miss out on all the fun. Both their lives are essentially over. You and your non-starting car have ruined their lives.
They’ll be launching before the end of this week – so here’s their number JUST FOR SAFEKEEPING –19762 – but don’t try calling before at least mid-week when they’ll be ready and raring to go!