To celebrate the launch of LEVEL - the city's coolest new club (because you know every new club is the coolest) - we give you an in-depth analysis into the "levels" of clubbing in Cairo...

Staff Writer

Mar 10, 2013

Last Thursday we were invited to swanky new Zamalek hot spot, Level Club & Lounge on the Imperial Boat.The place has been renovated with striking pop art all over the walls, a chic yet edgy, industrial feel and meticulous service, courtesy of their uber-experienced foreign staff. But more than anything, the night got us pondering about how going out in Cairo has become somewhat of a game…

Level 1 – Entrance.

This is, of course, is the easiest level in the game. It introduces you to the platform and the characters involved. As always, when you first start playing a platform game you don’t know any of the rules or moves, and find yourself in strange scenery, walking in circles and running into the same wall over and over again hoping it will lead somewhere. That is, of course, until a character pops up with a tutorial speech bubble telling you what to do and that you can proceed. In this case, it was the European beauty at door with the guestlist. Level Club & Lounge were doing their best to bring back the days of A++++ exclusivity, so if you weren’t on the list, it was Game Over before you’d even got started. Some players tried to cheat with fake names but Level were having none of it. Also, cheating leads to an automatic deduction of 10 Cool Points. More Cool Points in the game of Cairo Clubbing lets you pass levels quicker, and do everything better.

Level 2 – Saying Hi.

This level is easy but it’s against the clock. This is a great chance to pick up Cool Points which will help with the harder parts of the game. You can go round saying hi to every single person you’ve once seen in your life and you’ll get a lot of cool points but your Energy Bar will deplete exponentially. The boss of this level, of course, is the Owner of the Club. Say hi to him and gain access to the next level, but beware: interrupting a conversation he’s having: -10 Cool Points, spilling a bit of your drink: -10 Cool Points, flirting with his woman: -20 Cool Points, not knowing who owns the club in the first place: -50 Cool Points and Game Over.

Level 3 – Drinking (Bonus Round).

Open bar bonus round! Go around putting as much alcohol down your gullet as possible. The key here is finding a balance between your Energy Bar and Cool Points. The more you drink, the more energy you have but you’ll be spending lots of Cool Points because you’ll be doing more stupid shit. It is important to do the right amount of stupid shit whilst keeping good energy levels. If your Energy Bar goes in the red for too long, you’ll lose it all, pass out vomiting and it’s K.O for you and all those Cool Points you collected in level 2. One you’ve defeated the boss of this level (the annoying guy trying to get close to you by giving you tequila shots) you can pass on to the next level.

Level 4 – Flirting.

With a decent amount of Cool Points and the energy to do stupid shit, you can now make a selection from your Flirt Arsenal; the more you spend the better return you’re likely to have. “Hey d’ya want a drink?” will cost you 5 points but won’t get you more than definite 10 point conversation. Grabbing a girl and just grooving with her will cost you 10 points and may gain you a 30 point dance or a -30 point slap from her boyfriend. Kiss the girl and move on to the final level…

Level 5 – Calling it a Night.

Leaving with the girl essentially means you win, but chauvinism isn’t cool, boys. We’re not fucking cavemen. Take her home, eat some of her mother’s left over bamia, and play Monopoly. Good boy. Now, if you haven’t managed to land a fair maiden, you can always head out and find some energy to sniff. This is a bit of a game hack: you’ll have unlimited energy and Cool Points, but it’s a bit like getting Star Mode in Mario Kart when everyone else has already passed the finish line…

Check out all the photos from Level Club & Lounge’s opening bash on CairoZoom.com here. Keep up-to-date with everything happening at Level and follow them on Twitter @LevelCairo.