Saturday 10 of December, 2022
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Armageddon or mass hysteria? Hassan Hassan discovers that they're pretty much the same thing.

Staff Writer

I can’t think of living past one more month. I think that’s about as far as my denial will stretch. My energy on the other hand, I’m definitely going to have to ration. I’m fucking exhausted. Talk and noise. People yelling on the television, people yelling on the streets, people yelling in an office and the only way you can cancel out all the noise is by making enough noise of your own. Not to mention that the past two years have been arduous. Really fucking hard. Yes, Sandmonkey told us it was going to get worse before it got better, but this shit is intense:

Revolutions. Tear gas. Rubber bullets. Ousted presidents. Dead presidents. Jailed businessmen. Courts. Verdicts. Crowds. Salafis. The Muslim Brotherhood. The seven million rounds of voting. Trains crashing. Martyrs. Verdicts. Virginity tests. Sexual harassment. Burning embassies.“Spiderman”climbing on embassies. Constitutional amendments. Constitutional atrocities. Resignations. Corruption .All the burning of trees/buildings/cars.Hostage situations in really big, well-protected buildings. Amr Adib. Abo Ismail. Abo Someone Else. Abo Shaklena Kolena. Port Said/Ultras/Football. New presidents. New parliaments. Removal of parliaments. Dying popes. Gaza. Masked kids electing the new pope. More martyrs. Electricity shortages. Brand new dictators.

Illustration by Hassan Hassan

And not one person can tell you what the fuck is going on; just different dialogue of death and destruction and doom. But life also requires more superficial decisions/musings of everyday existence. Like trying to go to work and not killing everyone. Going to City Stars to buy basic things like underwear or socks and not killing anyone.The endless monotony of trying to decide between the four places in Cairo to have dinner. Should I feel guilty about being on and caring about Rihanna and Chris Brown? Should I care? There’s a deep seated depression/jealousy that settles in when you’re on someone’s blog and you realise that they are actually living. We’ve always been psychos, but recently everyone is tittering on the edge of disaster. A nation at the end of its tether, as the city cracks and splinters with one exhausted sigh after the next.

Technically, I have no idea what’s happened since 2010; that’s the last time anything remotely made sense. Even then it really didn’t. Personally, giving up has always been my go to state of mind. But this time it’s different. This time it might just make sense. This time it’s make it or break it. This time might be the time to do it right. This time, I can see the point. This time I think our fate is sealed one way or the other. This time I might actually haul ass to Tahrir. Whether it’s a literal end or a metaphorical one, we could all really use a conclusion.

So maybe the Mayans are right. If Egypt is the crux of all civilization, it seems fitting that the end would start here. Maybe this is the time to chill with the Mayans instead of talking to God. Is this, like, the end Y2K style? Is 21/12/12 the date that fucks up computers and everything switches off? Will my credit card debt be deleted? Will I pop up in the system of some other country? Will all politicians be rendered void? Is someone going to hand me a passport and a plane ticket out of here? If it isn’t this date, then give me one. Let me know if it is worth trying. Just give me a heads up so I can give up in style. I always knew the world would go out not with a bang, but with a whimper, and I’m really good at whimpers.