Fuck Tradition

Mr. Mosh-Killa,
Me and my boyfriend want to spend Eid together somewhere. Where in Cairo can we go out together without getting evil eye from conservative Egyptians?
Farah 

I don’t think there’s anywhere in Cairo where any kind of PDA is acceptable, not even the nightclubs. I’ve been kicked out one too many times from the Tamarais and CJCs of this world for letting my little moshkilla get a bit too excited. PDA is possible in one of two places – Dream Park or the Marriott Casino. The problem with Dream Park is you go on that vertical spinning vortex ride and there’s about a 75% chance of falling to your death. Is it worth a little mid-air public kissing? Then you’ve got the Marriott Casino where you might well be likened to one of the very low-class, high-price prozzies who look like hobbit clowns. Take your pick.

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Mr. Mosh-Killa,
How do you get rid of a stage 12 clinger without being horrible?
Ahmed

I’m not familiar with the clinger point system to be honest, but assuming that 1 is messaging you straight after a date, 5 is a surprise visit when you’re on a holiday with your guy mates, 10 being your name written out in fire in your garden whilst she carves Ahmed 4Ever with a knife on to her chest. When it gets to 12, I’d think survival and not manners should be the forethought.

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Hey,
I’m planning to get engaged to my girlfriend. However, it has been said that I have an outlandish taste in clothing and I’ve heard that in Egyptian culture families ask bawabs for inside information on the groom. I can’t imagine what my bawabs think of me every time I leave my house. What should I do?
Taimour

Stop dressing like a khawal.

You can send all your dramas and dilemmas to Mr. Mosh-Killa on info@cairoscene.com or Tweet him at @MrMoshKilla