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IKEA KNOWS BEST

How I Taught Branson The Net

Being the altruist I am, I endeavoured to teach Richard Branson the internet. From what I understood from this yellow bearded man, he runs some form of airline amongst other small endeavours.

Teaching Branson about the Interwebz

He was brought to Egypt for what I assumed to be a training course with successful Egyptian entrepreneurs on how to run a business.

The event was organised by eniGma magazine, the Arab world’s biggest lifestyle magazine, and took place at the Four Seasons Hotel Nile Plaza.

To make Branson feel a little bit special, eniGma was kind enough to let Branson say a few words about his burgeoning career.

A little big naïve but quite cute here are a few of his words:

“It’s hard but you don’t need capital to start a business.”

“It’s the small businesses which will get the economy going again.”

“Learn the art of delegation and free yourself up to see the bigger picture.”

“You might as well spend your life doing something you enjoy.”

“Do something fun or use yourself to promote your brand, its cheaper than advertising.”

“The premise of a business is finding something you can do better and doing it.”

“Your brand or your name is simply your reputation, it is everything, nothing is more important.”

“You need to make sure you have the best people around you.”

We clapped at these suggestions. After this – and for some unkown reason – former president Jimmy Carter came. Probably to learn from Egyptians what democracy is all about, which was nice of him and we hope America gets democracy soon.

Finally, the most important part of the night commenced and Egyptians got to dole out their own business advice…

“Never trust your employees, they steal your ideas and possibly eggs from your fridge.”

“Do everything yourself, that way you will be sure none of your employees are stealing from you.”

“Do not use banks, they try and steal from you when you are not looking.”

“There is no such thing as marketing, just hustling.”

“If there is someone doing something better than you, copy that person exactly and don’t try and do better till he does better, that way you don’t have to waste the energy being creative.”


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