Katy Patra

As if it wasn't a bad enough week, today we had to suffer through 33 whole seconds of Katy Perry's upcoming music video for her new single Dark Horse, which is 33 more seconds than anyone should ever spend watching Katy Perry. In this video, the popstar (who somehow found a way to date John Mayer - one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of our time) plays an imaginary ancient Egyptian queen called... brace yourselves... Katy Patra. If you haven't choked on your own vomit yet, continue reading. All we can say is watch this video at your own risk as it may exponentially increase your desire to commit suicide; that's how bad it is. We can't even imagine what the full video will do (picture a mass suicide at the CairoScene office). The video features some intro text (which uses the word 'dawg' no less) plus her decked out in full Cleopatra garb that, for some inexplicable reason, includes a giant diamond-encrusted grill in her mouth. We sincerely hope that as the video continues she proceeds to choke on that grill and learns her lesson to never, ever channel Egypt again in another music video. Or never make another music video again. Or a song. Or anything really. Because she just royally (haha get it?) shat all over Egyptian history.