Previous Post
Grow the Fuck Up
Next Post
The Good, the Bad & the Lagarde

Shut Up and Drive

Because fuck New Year’s resolutions.

Mr. M-K,

I just moved to Egypt and I’m struggling with the fact that, because I’m a male, I HAVE to sit NEXT to cab drivers and make pointless chit-chat. Any advice on how I can sit silently without it being awkward?
Joe
I have yet to come up with an answer to this conundrum Joe. As a broken Arabic expert myself, I have long found myself trying to avoid irritating conversation with taxi drivers. There is only so long you can go nodding and making humm sounds until he asks you a question needing an answer with better phonetics. If you speak Arabic, you’re usually dragged into a political conversation you’re not interested in and, if you speak English, you’re dragged into that “Where you from? England? Wayne Rooney meya meya! I speak London very best,” sort of dreary dialogue. I found out that there is no solution so I indulge in it. With a taxi driver you can be anyone you want for 10 minutes. I sometimes tell them I’m from the future and I drive a flying hantoor, or I’ll tell them that I’m Morsi’s pet groomer. Sometimes I ask them about their choice of taxi hood ornaments. It can be fun and it sure beats sitting in the back talking to people on your BBM contact list. You have your whole life to be plain Joe.

 **********************

Hi,
Although my New Year’s resolution was to get over my ex, I still ended waking up in his bed. I need HELP!
S. 

Sorry my dear, I’m not quite sure what you need help with here. Do you have a drinking problem? Do you need a bed? I’m not Oprah. What I can tell you is that a New Year’s resolution ‘to get over him’ is incredibly lame considering his (who ever he is) resolution was probably to bone as many chicks as possible. Sorry?

 **********************

Hey Mr. Mosh-Killa,
My wife and I have a huge problem. When we are in the car we can’t agree on music! We both have some musical interests in common, but whenever we grow tired of those, it becomes an awkward battle over who’s iPod is used. What do we do Mr. Mosh-Killa!?
Rami 

Get a divorce. Marriage is a sham. Love doesn’t exist. Purchase headphones.

You can send all your dramas and dilemmas to Mr. Mosh-Killa on info@thecairoscene.online or Tweet him at @MrMoshKilla