Monday June 24th, 2024
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Weird Egyptian Sex Associations

Egyptians are weird about sex. Sometimes unimaginably so. Here's a list of the weirdest/grossest things our fellow countrymen and women associate with sex.

Staff Writer

Weird Egyptian Sex Associations

Egyptians have really weird ideas about what is considered sexual/sexy. Here's a list of some of the oddest things we've learned:

1) A7a - legend has it that our favourite swear word was originally meant to be the sound women supposedly make when orgasming. Now this is slightly disturbing, because we can't think of a single instance when that sound could have conceivably come out of anyone while climaxing. But apparently, Egyptian women are of a whole other breed (or species?)

2) Going out with your hair wet - apparently Egyptians automatically think every girl who goes out with her hair wet has been up to no good. Because clearly women only ever shower and go out if it's after sex. This is slightly worrying and annoying, because some of us had been going out with their hair wet almost every day of their lives in the past, and are now wondering if their bawabs just think they're giant whores.

3) Pink soles - a rash decision to get a pedicure at a lower-end salon taught us yet another absurdity of the depraved Egyptian psyche - that the soles of feet are considered sexy when they're nice and rouged. A yelling match broke out with the pedicurist and we had to ask her to wash the pink gunk off our soles but it was too late - we had already been initiated into the depraved world of foot-fetishism and general ickiness.

4) Armpits - anything is considered risqué if you don't wanna go out dressed in a giant duffel bag, but one particular body part will draw a seemingly disproportionate amount of attention if you dare to wear a top with a particularly low underarm opening. Maybe it's the proximity to boobs and hence the higher possibility to catch some sideboobage, but either way, it's weird.

5) Ground crocodile balls - this is pretty grizzly, so for those who have a weak stomach, move along. It's virtually unknown outside of this particular industry, but inside sources have told us that tourist guides, particularly those based in Luxor and Aswan, grind up crocodile testicles and - that's right - semen, as some super-virility potion. It's no secret that impotence is a big problem in the country, and the obsession with cheap Viagra alternatives has gone haywire, but this is just stomach-turning overkill.