Friday 9 of December, 2022
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Parliament Wants to “Abolish Funding for Terrorists”

“I swear to God, Mahmoud, if you don’t stop shooting up liquor stores, I’m cutting you off.”

Staff Writer

Contrary to popular belief, we’re actually quite fond of parliament recently for trying to unfuck Egypt. Every now and then, however, an odd draft law finds its way to the newsosphere. Take today, for example; parliament’s legislative committee just approved a somewhat confusing law (we might just be dumb) aiming to cut funding from terrorist groups. Yeah.

The law pertains to the proper confiscation, administration and disposal of all criminal funds possibly related to any terroristic entities, acting through a judicial committee and a group of experts to ascertain what exactly to do with all the blood money. That’s all well and good, but all we can imagine is a bunch of old dudes wagging their fingers at “terrorists” and telling them if they don’t stop blowing things up, they won’t get their allowance for the month. Anyway, the bill stipulates that any governmental or non-governmental entity, banks included, refusing to divulge their relevant documentation are in direct defiance of matters concerning national security; risking a year’s imprisonment and a fine setting you back anywhere between EGP 10,000 and EGP 50,000. We’re hoping they’re aware of the link between poverty and terrorism.

In all seriousness, it’s not like the folks up top know who’s a terrorist and who isn’t, and even if they did, cutting their funding? How will that even work? In any case, terrorism financing is a disappointingly overlooked component of national security the world over, and regardless of how vague this law is, it’s a step in the right direction.

Thankfully, we can sleep easier now knowing that the terrible poopy terrorists are at risk of getting their citizenship revoked.

Photo from Homeland Preparedness News.