Love is a battlefield, and Uber has the emergency supplies that every single soldier needs this Valentine’s day.
It’s perfectly fine to be single, even if it’s on Valentine’s. But if you happen to be more emotional than your average Cairene, you might experience some slight melancholy. You don’t have to do it alone and unprepared, however, because Uber (the saints that they are) have decided to offer some much needed aid to the loveless among us; the Uber Singles Survival Kit.
Now listen carefully, soldier, these are the steps you need to take to ensure your adequate survival in these harsh conditions; you will find in your standard issue Uber app a special Valentines vehicle view tab on February 14th, the day of the great loneliness. Uber has partnered up with Cadburry, iFlix and clorets to get you all a single person might need on such a sad, sad day.
Once the kit is firmly within your possession, you will open the kit to find; a IFLIX subscription valid for one whole month of unlimited entertainment, to distract yourself from the sentient void within your heart, along with one pack of emergency microwave popcorn for movie moments you can’t bear. You will also find five standard issue band aids to staunch your emotional hemorrhage, one standard issue pack of tissues to clean affected areas of your sad, sad tears. A number of Cadbury chocolate bars to nullify pain, packs of Clorets spearmint gum for emergency oral camouflage, one specialised rose-scented candle to help seek out a valid partner. And finally, one standard issue heard-shaped soft stress relief device to remind you that Uber loves you, soldier.
With these essential tools, you can rest assured that you will survive this impending Valentine’s day, and maybe even find a suitable partner to share spaghetti with. All you need to do to get your hands on this kit is tab UberVALENTINE this February 14th.
*The content of this article is sponsored.