Sunday September 24th, 2023
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Glow in the Dark Gourmet Cotton Candy is Finally a Thing in Egypt

Why would you consume cotton candy that doesn't make you glow, inside and out!?

Staff Writer

Guess what?! There is a new sugary treat in Cairo that demands your attention like the siren's call in ancient Greek mythology. Clouds Cotton Candy just opened and they have a creation that will CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE. Glow in the dark gourmet cotton candy! Yeah! With flavours like banana, pineapple, and strawberry, Clouds just changed the cotton candy game. Also, if that hasn't melted your mind, they have an assortment of Hawaiian Shave Ice.

Have you ever thought to yourself I love crying alone in the dark while consuming candy, but I have difficulty seeing the pure sugar I'm eating in my pitch-black room. Well, friends, your search is over! Clouds' pure sugar glows in the goddamn dark!

In a marketing strategy that was in no way designed to target children, Clouds Cotton Candy has set up shop around Cairo! Yaaaay!

The first gourmet cotton candy... ever, this new delicacy puts all "gourmet" food to shame! Filet Mignon? More like Filet Me-None! Lobster Tail? More like Lobster FAIL! This addition kinda puts all French cooking to shame, in fact, French cooks should just stick to eating snails because they were too slow to this culinary revolution!  

If you don't understand the point of this confectionery breakthrough, here are 13 reasons why you should get your hands on some Clouds gourmet glow in the dark cotton candy:  

1. Lighting a dark cave without a torch

2. A cool thing to wave in the air at a Katy Perry concert

3. Creating a glow in the dark cotton shirt

4. They could be installed in lights around the city to save the environment

5. Leading a fabulous mob

6. During the summer power cuts, you’ll have an alternative light source

7. Go to the Sandbox music festival with a wig that won’t fall off cause it's sugar-glued to your head

8. Give your doctors a surprise when your x-rays come back with rainbow-coloured rib cage

9. Modernise your cheerleader squad when they perform to dub-step

10. Wet one side and stick it on your grandparent's bald heads to make them funky fresh

11. Stick it to your chest to make your girlfriend think you’re really manly

12. Use two to direct a clown plane onto the airport runway

We don't know about you, but this radical innovation revives our hopes that capitalism WILL be able to save the planet!