We Egyptians truly are creatures of the warmth. We were simply not created to handle the cold and winter displeases us. Sweater weather is not our thing. BRING BACK THE SUN. Here are some things which inevitably happen every Egyptian winter…
1. Our Egyptian sense of dramatic exaggeration goes into overdrive. At the slightest whiff of cold we freak out. ‘Yalahwiiii ana 7assa enn ana fel eskimo!’ Relax guys, it’s only 14 degrees. You haven’t seen cold.
2. We do not keep the aforementioned thoughts to ourselves. A little wind, a little cold, and its Tweets galore about how we’re basically experiencing a tornado.
3. We cope with the cold by chugging lentil soup and sa7lab reigns supreme. The way we understand it, winter comes with an implied understanding that you must consume copious amounts of sa7lab. Not hot chocolate.
4. Whenever you’re leaving the house your mum asks you if you’re dressed heavily enough and runs after you with a scarf. ‘Enti labsa kefaya? Enti 7atebradi! Khodi scarf. Khodeeha bas!’ And then she throws some gloves into the mix for good measure.
5. Our sunny city turns straight up grey. Our weather is just dust. Not rainy, not partly cloudy. Just. Dust. So. Much. Dust.
6. Because our homes are more equipped to deal with the heat that dominates in our nation, no one has indoor heating. This means just getting out of bed to even go to the bathroom is a task of Herculean proportions because it is only ever warm underneath your sixteen layers of blankets and comforters.
7. Lack of indoor heating also means showering is Not Fun. You have to think long and hard before you take the decision to shower. You give yourself a little motivational speech. You tell yourself you can’t just rot.
8. Your parents have somehow translated cold weather to coming home earlier. You are expected to be home early for no other reason than the fact that it’s cold out. You get phone calls at 10 PM asking why you’re out so late. ‘La2 yalla it’s time to come home. El gaww bard.’
9. If it hails, people freak out. OMG IT’S SNOWING!!!!! OMG SNOW IN EGYPT. It’s hail. STFU.
10. The one time it did snow last year, Facebook nearly imploded with the sheer amount of pictures and comments about the snow. Chill out, we’re all seeing it together, you’re not letting the public in on a national secret.
11. Everyone breaks out the beanies. It’s not actually cold enough to warrant a beanie. And don’t lie, you’re never even walking in the street.
12. Washing your hands is a miserable experience. You can practically feel the frostbite coming on. Do we really need to wash our hands every time we pee? Do we?