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16 Rules of Eidiquette

Eid is here, which probably means most of us are heading to Sahel or some other beach location for drunken shenanigans, and sharing a house with friends. This could be a recipe for disaster, unless you follow these rules very carefully.

Ah Eid – that time where we make up for our piety in the past month by heading to some beachside location and drinking ourselves into the sand. As you're usually sharing a house with friends, there are some rules of etiquette everybody must adhere to (which vary slightly depending on whether it's a rented house or belongs to someone in the shella) that will make the entire trip a smoother, more pleasant experience for everyone.

1. It's always good manners to bring something with you when staying at someone's house. Since we are neither children nor proper, real-life adults, a bottle of alcohol is a nice, appropriate – and perfectly shareable – gift.

2. When it comes to choosing rooms, it's an unspoken rule that couples room together. If it's someone's house, the owner usually gets dibs on the master bedroom with their significant other or their closest friend in the group.

3. In a non-couple mixed gender situation, guys get the room with two single beds, girls get the room with one double bed.

4. The house owner is exempt from bringing supplies – at the very least, the other peeps should be the ones bringing the booze.

5. There should be a designated bringer of speakers for the trip. This person (who is also often the designated DJ throughout the vacation) is allowed to have a bigger bag than everyone else (and thereby occupy more car space), because it holds the speakers.

6. The most responsible person keeps the house key.

7. This aforementioned responsible human also often ends up keeping everyone's valuables in their bag. This person is now exempt from carrying any other beach necessities to the seashore.

8. If you plan on hooking up, do it in a bedroom and lock the door. No one wants to walk in on that.

9. Couples: when you're hanging out around the house, especially if it's just you and one other person, don't overdo it with PDA. It's awkward.

10. You can wake up sleeping friends in the morning, but don’t attempt to wake up a couple sleeping in a room together – you never know what you'll walk into. If you must wake them, banging loudly on the door and yelling BREAKFAST is the preferred method.

11. If meals are being cooked, the person/people who did the cooking doesn’t have to do the washing up. Unspoken rule. So take your pick; you either slave away at the stove, or you're in the running for dishwashing duties.

12. Everyone has to partake in the cleaning. If you really can't stomach it, you must offer to do all grocery runs and pay for them.

13. Puke happens when your body experiences a sudden influx of alcohol after a month-long drought. Make sure you puke directly into the toilet or in a plastic bag. The sink is not a viable option.

14. Unless your friend has certain religious/mo7taram issues, you can bring girls/boys back to the house, but any hooking up should not occur in the house owner's bedroom.

15. We know alcohol induces excessive friendliness, but if you're out partying, try not to invite a stampede of drunk junkies back to the mutually shared house. They will trash it.

14. If you've wrecked the house beyond your realistic cleaning capabilities, there's no shame in calling a cleaning service. Everyone pitches in. 

16. Leave no trace behind. Always do a drug-check and make sure not to leave any evidence of your indiscretions in the house. Sweep the counters for leftover hash, clear the garbages of any drug-related paraphernalia. No one's parents want to come back to coke baggies and condoms forgotten in the trash.