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23 Video Games Every Egyptian Played As A Kid

From Snake to Medal of Honor, and the hours spent pretending to know how to play Minesweeper, here's a little blast from the past...

Captain Maged Game - Released 1994 - Atari

Egypt's favourite electrified super-human soccer player, who could annihilate a whole team with a double kick, had his own game on Atari. This was no FIFA mind you, it was more like the racing games of old, a role playing video game where by the player runs endlessly on screen till you choose to pass or shoot and what kind of shot it will be. Of course, it came in Arabic too.

Counter Strike - Released 1999 - PC

In every internet cafe you would find a group of kids playing Counter Strike against each other on the network. In fact ,those kids are grown ups now, still in the internet cafe still playing Counter Strike. The POV shoot em' up game sees players buy weapons and ammo, swim, jump higher, enter cheat codes before being killed almost immediately and starting again ad infinitum.

7 Up Cool Spot - Released 1993 - PC

Before the days when branding had to be relevant, a year before their mascot Fido Dido was born, 7 Up released a game in where by a little red spot would jump around collecting soda cans as well as lives via floating 7UP logos. The red spot would go on to represent the blocked arteries of the children who played.

Duck Hunt - Released 1985 - Nintendo

That bulky orange Nintendo gun taught Egyptian children everywhere how to aim, and that animal cruelty was OK. The only thing missing was the ability to shoot that dog who would pop up and taunt players when they missed the target. Fuck off, dog.

Winning Eleven - Released 1996 - Playstation

Whilst the rest of the world played FIFA, Arabs got their hands on the Chinese copy of Pro Evolution, Winning Eleven or "Winning", and it became the staple football game for another ten years untill FIFA took over. The players all had fake names and the football teams were all fake names too as well as the stadiums. Where the fuck is Red Brick FC? And who is Rion Gaggs? Nonetheless the gameplay was kick-ass for its time, and who can forget the famous game glitch in where by the referee Kazuki Ito would give out red cards for anything.

Medal of Honor, Allied Assault - Released 2002 - PC

Basically exactly like Counter Strike but for people who didn't like Counter Strike. 

Skyroad - Released 1993 - PC

Control a spaceship that doesn't fly but jumps with the space bar to avoid gaps in the sky road that seems to be an infinite pathway to a disproportionately sized sun and planet. 

Super Mario - Released 1995 - Nintendo

Let'sssaaa go!

Pepsi Man - Released 1999 - Playstation

Before Flappy Bird, there was Pepsi Man. Another branded game where by a guy dressed in a blue and white spandex costume would slide around pavements collecting cans.

Doom 2 - Released 1994 - PC

Another first person shooter game on the list. After returning from Hell, the protagonist finds that Earth has also been invaded by the demons, who have killed millions of people. Damn Nazis.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Released 1991 - Sega

Run super fast. Collect rings. Die. Whomever saw levels past one and two were the coolest kids in school.

Prince of Persia - Released 1998 - PC

One of the first Arab-centric platform games saw a dude in a turban go around killing people. No one knew if it was "Aladdin" or "El Hendy."

Generals - Released 2003 - PC

A strategy game that had people playing for hours just to create their base before they actually attack or do anything. One minute playing this game is equal to six hours gone in real life all to benfit.

Snake - Released 1998 - Nokia

Before there was internet on phones Snake was the only thing keeping us from awkward silences. Playing on the highest speed was gamed neek. The line didn't look much like a snake and snakes don't even eat apples.

Tibia - Released 1997 - PC

A MMO (Massive Multiplayer Online) game where you increase magic skill and hunt monsters that caused too many bad grades for sanaweya 3ama students. The game was not that good but anything is miraculously epic when you have to study.

Minesweeper - Released 1995 - PC

"Because the time that is needed to finish a Minesweeper board depends highly on the difficulty of the board, it may not be the best way to compare records. 3BV/s on the other hand does consider the difficulty of the Minesweeper board as well as the time needed to finish it. Among the best Minesweeper players, 3BV/s records are not nearly as important as time records, but they give a picture of how fast someone can play with regard to mouse-handling.

If flags are marked, it is possible to require fewer clicks than the 3BV of the respective board. Using only left clicks is called non-flagging (nf) whereas marking mines with right-clicks is called flagging-style."

If ANY ONE said they were good at Minesweeper, they are fucking lying. No one knows how to actually play Minesweeper.

Metal Slug - Released 1996 - Arcade

An arcade game that was in every mall where you can choose a character and wreck an entire city and save old Jesus clone POWs on your way! There would be a big bad boss after each level.

Icy Tower - Released 2001 - PC

Choose a beanie clad punk or an afro headded disco man and keep jumping up till infinity without falling. Howa da Icy Tower.

Excitebike - Released 1985 - Nintendo

From its classic 8-bit theme song to the high flying jumps, Excitebike is firmly planted in the nostalgia cortex of any gamer raised on Nintendo. You could also design your own epic race courses and jumps.

Championship Manager - Released 1992 - PC

Before there was Football Manager, it was called Championship Manager. The football management game allowed you to take over a club decide tactics, transfers and everything else without actually playing football. It was just words. Lots of words that denied many a pre teen male of their puberty. Was once voted as the most addictive game of all time.

Tetris - Released 1984 - Nintendo

Possibly the most famous digital game of all time, the feeling of getting a straight bar exactly when you need one to clear the column gap was orgasmic.

Pilsner Urquell Flash Game - Released 2000 - PC

Back in the day when internet was bwaslet el telephone most kids secretly downloaded the game because of the nude chicks in them. Apparently it wasn't that much of a secret because everyone had the game. The more bottles of Pilsner beer you caught the nuder the chick would get.

Grand Theft Auto, Vice City - Released 2002 - Playstation

You're a gangaster going around the city completing missions, but you don't actually bother doing that, you just put in the cheats and fuck shit up, nick cars and beat up prostitutes. Actually, if you're Egyptian you probably don't even do that, you probably do this....