There's a lot of lavish things to do if you have loads of money and hedonistic tendencies.
“It’s called sushi,” said the security guard to the wide-eyed speechless sayes. “It’s 40 pounds a bite,” he added dropping the bomb on the conversation they were having outside the Hilton in Zamalek, where Mikado, the Japanese restaurant had just opened a few days earlier. I made a note to self to tip the sayes generously later, as he watched me walk into the restaurant.
I didn’t think for a moment that I would be in the sayes’ place one day, gaping at a menu in a mixture of indignant disbelief, amusement, and inevitable intrigue.
We bring you a list of lavish things you could spend on in Egypt if you were super rich (albeit slightly indiscriminate). Some with questionable value, and others with more obvious benefits.
1- Bird’s Nest Soup With Snow Frog and Almond
This 1000 LE dessert at 8 restaurant in the Four Seasons Hotel Cairo at Nile Plaza, is literally made out of edible bird’s nest, which in short is made out of swiftlets’ (a type of bird) solidified saliva. It comes with Snow Frog….yes, also literally a species of frogs, and almonds.
2- The Golden One
This is a 500 LE burger found at Le Garage in Gouna. “500 pounds for a burger?! Is it covered in fucking gold?!” Ummm, yes actually it is, now that you mention it. Not just that, but it’s also made of Wagyu beef, which is beef from genetically superior cows who receive massages and consume red wine as part of their diet. (No, I’m not kidding. Google it.) The burger also comes with truffle carpaccio made of black Summer truffle, Foie Gras mousse, and is finally topped with an edible 22 carat gold leaf.
So what does gold taste like? Nothing. It’s absolutely flavourless.
3- The 10,000 pound date.
Log onto Egyptflower.com, and order a divinely delicious box of Godiva chocolates for 2,473 LE, a basket of 50 white roses for 2,210 LE, and a fine bottle of Champagne for 1,158 LE. Maybe you should order two bottles, no one drinks only half a bottle anymore. Book a felucca (we recommend Dokdok in Garden City) for 3 hours for 240 LE (a yacht would be too much and is less romantic), bring a basket with an assortment of cheeses, grapes and caviar, and don’t forget the crystal flutes. You can’t go to all that effort then drink out of plastic cups. Get real. Hire a cellist or saxophonist, depending on the mood you want to set, and sail away on the Nile. If the basket of roses is too much and you’re more of a simple guy, get the single red rose for 316 LE. I would like to dedicate this idea to the Jordanian guy who took me out for Koshary at Abu Tarek.
4- Private Jet Travel
If you’re going to eat gold you might as well travel in style. Take a small private jet to Gouna for 100,000 LE rather than stoop to the level of standing in lines with other travelers, and get there in 50 minutes. If you want to get there in less time, take the 240,000 LE flight that gets you there in 42 minutes. You save a whole 8 minutes of your valuable life for just an extra 140,000 LE.
5- A St. Kitts Citizenship
Let’s get real for a moment. You’re not really going to spend 240,000 LE to fly to Gouna. If you have that kind of money you might as well travel the world in your own god damn private jet. Visa troubles? No problem. Buy a St. Kitts (in the Caribbean) citizenship for two million pounds, and have access to Europe, visa free, anytime you bloody feel like it. Just remember to send a postcard to the sayes.