Sunday July 21st, 2024
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6 Ways To Break Up Like A Pro

Things just aren't working out anymore but goodbye is the hardest word? Well, we have your back with these effective way to take the plunge, complete with GIFs...

Staff Writer

6 Ways To Break Up Like A Pro

It seemed like you were out of a scene from The Notebook; you made your friends sick to their stomach with all the pet names. You couldn’t get your hands off of one another and PDA was your forte. Now, something’s changed. Everything about them irks you. You think of the time you’ve spent and it seems hard to take the plunge, but it’s not fair to them or to you when the love is gone; so here are ways to help you take the next step.

1. Egyptian Mama

Get your mother to call them and do the break up for you.

2.  What you don’t know can’t hurt you

Simply act like they are a complete stranger. For this you will need to use an extremely confused expression and if they proceed to talk to you, you may then look shocked. If they go as far as trying to touch you, start running away after putting your hands up in defense. If they pursue you whilst you run, you may then call for help while looking back at them with BOTH a confused and shocked expression.

3. Powerpoint

Sit them down, wear your best suit and proceed with a Powerpoint presentation. Statistics may include how they have exhausted your funds and a graph showing admiration decline so that the presentation is more credible.

4. Revolt!

Take them to Tahrir Square and start a protest. To have a successful protest, you will need a break-up sign, face paint, a whistle and you must chant.

5. The Note 

This is a very simple, very effective formula to follow for a very tricky situation. If you happen to be in the same household and need to cut yourself lose, you may think there is no where to run...but think again. You don't even need to say anything, all you need to do is sprint to a nearby room, slam the door and wait for footsteps. Once footsteps are heard what you then do is prepare a break up note which you slide from under the door. If you hear angry screams and banging, do not panic and stay put: soon the screaming will subside and the predator will have exited the area which will leave you ample time to pack up and bounce. 

6. Coubles only


Go to a couples only club and then say that you’re not with them. You may go as far as notifying the bouncer that you don’t actually know them and using a previously shown tactic by looking at them confused and shocked.