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9 Things in Egypt That Are Scarier Than Halloween

From tattooed eyebrows and the Zaafarana checkpoint to Reeham Saeed and Mogamma Tahrir, here are 9 Egyptian horrors that make Freddy Krueger look like a girl scout with an attitude problem.

There’s a reason Halloween never caught on in Egypt. White people may find zombies, goblins, vampires, and Jerry Springer scary, but we stuff koshary into plastic bags and squeeze it into our mouths and there’s literally nothing scarier. Let’s see if you people can handle our daily horrors.  

Tattooed Eyebrows

Miss, you have giant skid marks where your eyebrows should be. 

Soccer Moms Driving in Hyundai Matrixvia GIPHY

Ma'am, would you mind terribly driving like the gremlins didn't just invade your car (and your mind)?  

Applying for a Schengen Visa


 So, like, not to call institutional racism bullshit, but this is some institutional racism bullshit. 

Being a Cat in Nady El Gezira

If we ever get reincarnated as felines in Egypt, we hope we have the good sense not to wander into Gezira Club. Unless, we come back as a panthera felines, in which case we'll be more than happy to give Gezira Club a taste of their own medicine.

Being a Maid in an Upscale Sahel Resortvia GIPHY

Hey, Sahel, the 50s called, they want their segregated pools back!

Mogammaa Tahrir

How would you like to claw your way to the clerk's desk while slip 'n sliding in other people's sweat?

Kameen El Zaarafana


Why yes, officer, I do have glaucoma! 

Reeeham Saeed

She will ruin your life and slut shame you for being sexually harassed, and then she'll celebrate with an awful rendition of Despacito that somehow makes the original sound like a classic masterpiece. 


These 2 are out there and the only thing stopping them from procreating is Tante Madi7a, a clearly demented old lady. The horror!