Saturday 26 of November, 2022
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Ask Sheikh Mosh-Killa

In the spirit of Ramadan, we've called upon Mr. Mosh-Killa's more pious personality to help you out...

Staff Writer

Dear Sheikh Mosh-Killa,

If I perform sexual Jihad for the Brotherhood can I have a smoke afterwards and not break my fast?


If you are fighting on the side of legitimacy, after you plant your seed it is recommended that you smoke from the tobacco seed. I have just decreed the fatwa as such, but note, it must be a Cleopatra cigarette. Do not smoke a kafir stick from the heathens of the west who have sent us Marlboro and Kent to slaughter the chests of our young ones.



Are pills that claim to increase my penis size haram?


As long as you are taking the pills in order to consummate your marriage, it only has to be large enough to deflower the vaginal membrane so that you can breed, breed, breed and build up the mujahadin in order to rise up against the heathens of the west. Check out the penis enlargement ads on, they're the best.


Sheikh M-K,

How much pet love is haram love?


If you do not have the financial capabilities to find a wife, there is nothing in the Qu'aran that specifically prohibits the love of a pet. All types of love will be accepted but don't touch the dog whilst fasting or you will burn in the eternal fires of hell.


Sheikh Mosh-Killa,

Is it OK to be daydreaming about all the debauchery that I'm planning for Eid, or does that negate the point of Ramadan?


After Ramadan, God is still everywhere. He is in Gouna, he is in Sahel and he is in your head. Use Ramadan as a time to love life as it is without the tools of the Devil who communicates these ideas to you. Do not feed your thoughts with tempestuous desires such as alcohol and sex. Distract yourself. Why not get a pet?

You can send all your dramas and dilemmas to Mr. Mosh-Killa on or Tweet him at @MrMoshKilla