Thursday 8 of December, 2022
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Controversially Contrary

When she said she couldn’t keep her mouth shut, she meant it! Our Bitch-in-Residence, Sally Sampson comes to us bearing monologues…

Staff Writer

So I wrote a play…oh yeah!

Many a night, I envisioned myself possessed by the ghost of the great Bard, Shakespeare, I imagined that I was haunted by the demons of Oscar Wilde and envisaged that I was filled with the dexterity of Jane Austen only to find out that I had been scribbling absolute shit on a piece of paper for hours on end. So naturally, after a million rough drafts, and many nights of sweat and tears, when I finally completed my play and got my manuscript bound (plastic bound, but bound nonetheless), I was ecstatic!

And you know, it’s very hard for a perfectionist, drama queen like me to be happy with anything that I ever do, but a one-woman show that pretty much puts into perspective everything that I’ve been rambling about since forever, can be considered to be quite an accomplishment.

The play is appropriately titled, ‘Controversially Contrary’ and does what I do best: talks about everything society considers inappropriate without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. It’s not sensationalism I’m after, as I hope you know by now; I’m after honesty and boldness!  SO wait for it! It is in the works and is shortly coming to a theatre space that I have yet to determine, that is not afraid to let me hang it all out…metaphorically-speaking, of course!

But for my friends and avid readers, here at Cairo Scene, I am giving you an exclusive sneak-peek into what you should expect from this upcoming spectacle, with many more details to follow, naturally! I give to you, my opening monologue: Getting to know you…I mean me! 

Hello. I am a woman,

As I’m sure you can see.

That is what I am,

At least anatomically.

I have two breasts right here,

And a vagina between my legs.

I have a clitoris and a uterus

And a womb filled with eggs.

I am desired, I am defiled;

I am respected and degraded;

It all leaves me so confused.

It keeps me rather jaded.

I can have multiple orgasms,

And be highly intellectual.

I can do both proficiently;

I can be somewhat spectacular.

But for some reason or another,

I am often made to feel

That I lack something or other

That I’m only about my sex appeal!

Come on, what’s that?

Have I not proven the contrary?

Have I not stepped up to the plate?

Must it be about who’s just popped my cherry?

I have been a princess and a goddess;

A warrior and a saint!

The thought of all my endeavours,

Should make you want to masturbate!

Oh you masturbate all right.

But you don’t see me.

You only see my tits and my ass,

My uncrossed ankles and my bare knees.

I’m proud of all of that,

Please don’t get me wrong.

I like that you admire my buttocks

Whether I’m wearing granny pants or a thong.

I have fought for my rights though,

To be more than picture perfect.

To be more than your silent companion;

To be more than a mere object.

I am more than a one night stand;

A casual fuck in the corner.

I do more than lay down

Turn around and slowly bend over.

What? A whore?

Is that what you’re calling me?

Is it because I strike a nerve,

With my brutal honesty?

Sweetheart, I’m not a whore

I’m as pure as any so-called ‘virgin’

And no one can ever touch or hurt me

Unless I choose to let them in!

When men show off with their dicks,

At the ready to shoot in the air

None of us call you gigolos,

Most of us don’t even care.

But when a woman is in touch,

With her profound sensuality,

All of a sudden, she’s a slut

She’s profane, she’s too obscene!

Double standards! Hypocrisy!

Can I make it any clearer?

If you don’t follow your own rules

You are just a bloody cheater.

Don’t get me wrong again!

I love the male species,

Penis and all there is;

I love it to pieces!

So please love me,

Entirely, as a whole.

Love my brain as well as my tits

And don’t you dare call me a whore.

So when someone asks you of us ladies,

And remember introductions are key;

Always Respect, love, and appreciate

All of those women you’ve had the honour to meet.




If you have stories, pictures, comments, or anything at all you wish to share, I’m starting a community of BITCHES! Like the Facebook page, follow @BitCent, tell your friends, and let’s get this movement started to give BITCHES a voice. Are you afraid of being known as a BITCH? No? Then let the world know as well!