This week, I couldn’t think of one thing to write. I had no grievances to air, no profound thoughts, not even an amusing anecdote. Instead, you’ll find a list of localised yo momma jokes that I made up one particularly uninspired night below:
Warning: Bedan Factor: *****; Funny Factor: [Dependent on how stoned you are]
Illustration by Hassan Hassan.
Your mama’s so big and round, they started holding protests on her.
Your mama’s so fat, café staff tell her about the maximum charge.
Your mama’s so old, Zahi Hawass smuggled her out of the country.
Your mama’s so fat, she wears tuktuks for roller blades.
Your mama’s so old, your dad sold her for bikya.
Your mama’s so fat, they had to build a 6th Settlement.
Your mama’s so vast, the Mubarak administration sold her for 50LE a metre in a public land contract.
Your mama’s skin’s so dry, Bedouins live on her.
Your mama’s so hairy, she gets mistaken for a Salafi.
Your mama’s so dumb, she tried to drink from Sakiat El Sawy.
Your mama’s so poor AND ugly, street dogs rescued her.
Ok, ok. I’ll stop now. Sorry for any inconvenience caused. Please read my blog again next week. Please?