Thursday March 28th, 2024
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Dalia Does…Fame

The fact that people avoid you, are scared of you or criticise you doesn’t mean you’re a bad bitch (in the cool, hip hop way), it means you’re a bad bitch (in the actual way).

Staff Writer

Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us are in search of fame one way or another. Fame doesn’t have to mean celebrity (though it often does) – it simply means being widely recognised for your talents, ability, ideas and their execution. So what a lucky break we Egyptian’s got with the recent revolution! All eyes were on us and suddenly a whole generation of artists, entrepreneurs, musicians, writers and more emerged from the dust that barely had a chance to settle – you can’t turn a corner without bumping into The Next Big [insert any talent, trade, occupation or arbitrary title]. And that’s all well and good – there have been a whole host of success stories coming out of Egypt in the last couple of years – but there’s a fine line between ambition and arrogance that’s becoming more and more blurred. This means that there are far too many of us who think we’re going to succeed, just because we think we’re going to succeed. Now, I believe in the power of positive thinking just as much as the next person struggling to pay their bills, but, as evidenced by my empty bank account, that’s not enough. The revolution may have broken the glass ceiling for pretty much every aspiring anything, but that doesn’t make it a free-for-all. To help you out, here are 8 reasons why you’re (probably) not famous yet:

You think you’re already famous. It’s an uphill climb for everyone, you can’t just start at the top. Too many of us think that, on the back of some recognition or little success, we’ve made it and the cheques will write themselves. Just because your track got played at Tamarai/you got voted Hottest on CairoZoom/you once met a celebrity and forced them to take a picture with you, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world will bow down to you. On this note, please never, EVER utter the words “Don’t you know who I am?” anywhere near me, especially when I don’t know who you are.

You think you’re too good for Egypt. Yes, most people here just don’t get your new line of avant-garde shoe laces and your particular brand of progressive, electro-indie, rap music would go down a treat if only you were in like, NYC or LA or other cities that can be shortened into initials, but everyone has to start somewhere. We’re a nation where the average age is just over 24, almost everyone has access to satellite TV and internet penetration is growing by the second, so it’s safe to say we’re reasonably in-tune with the rest of the world. If your business idea, art exhibition or funky techno EP does well here, you can begin thinking about world domination.

You’re a cliché. Haven’t I met you before? Oh, that was every other guy with a ponytail, ripped jeans and tattered shoes, brandishing a guitar. Sorry, my mistake.  And FYI girls: the boho-chic look declined quicker than Jude Law’s hairline when Sienna Miller was out of the picture and Lana Del Rey has pretty much trademarked your Poor Little Rich Girl act. There’s no harm in being inspired by someone already successful in whatever field you’re aiming for but a little originality can go a long way. Think about that the next time you reach for geek glasses, dip dye your hair or start a fashion blog.

Your boobs are everywhere. Let’s try and keep it classy, ladies (and gentlemen who think it’s ok to only button your shirt up a third of the way).

You’re confusing infamy with fame. Notorious – [noh-tawr-ee-uhs] – adjective: Widely and unfavourably known. E.g.: a notorious gambler. The fact that people avoid you, are scared of you or criticise you doesn’t mean you’re a bad bitch (in the cool, hip hop way), it means you’re a bad bitch (in the actual way).  Approachability, humility and good, old-fashioned friendliness are essential in every field. You think Steve Jobs got to where he was by yelling at bouncers, threatening competition or doing shady deals?

You’re confusing online fame with actual fame. I shouldn’t be writing this since my day job essentially entails convincing companies that I can make them famous online and, in doing so, make them more profitable, but the amount of Twitter followers you have and the number of YouTube views you amass count for nothing if whatever you’re selling sucks. It’s not unusual to be discovered online and the internet is a brilliant medium to showcase your talent and ideas, but in a world where @Snooki has nearly five times the followers that @jk_rowling has, it’s clear that substance and social media scores often have nothing to do with one another. On a related note, Facebook Activist is not a job title until you can start exchanging those ‘Likes’ you so desperately seek  for cash (for yourself, for charity or otherwise).

You think it’s easy. The painful truth is that any measure of fame or fortune only comes from serious, hard work (unless your last name is Kardashian, your first name is Kim, and someone ‘leaked’ your sex tape). It’s essential to have ambition and vision but unless you’re willing to read that blog post a million and one times before you click publish, really master the keyboard before you hit the stage or actually study fashion before trying to sell your line of awkwardly fitting t-shirts, there’s not much hope for you, no matter how much money daddy gave you to get started.

You’re a fake. And it shows. It takes a lot of confidence to really make it big and there’s nothing wrong with embellishing your stories with a bit of swagger if it will help you seal the deal. There is, however, something awfully fishy about that so-called waiting list at Harrods for your tacky scarf line, that time the head of Sony Music Entertainment said you were the next Ke$ha and the DM you got on Twitter from Vanity Fair asking you to write for them. What you think might come across as awe-inspiring can often just lead to awkward silences. And for the record, anyone who is British in any way, shape or form, can hear a fake British accent a mile off. Stop it.