Tuesday March 21st, 2023
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Face Your Fears at Facefood

We decided to be adventurous and hit up Zamalek eatery Facefood...

Staff Writer

Facefood. No, it's not a typo; I did not mean Facebook and forget to change it - I mean FACEFOOD. If this name rings no bells I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised at all. Walking by this place you’d probably look up at the sign, tilt your head in curiosity, stop, have an ongoing debate in your head on whether or not you’d like to eat there and then probably decide no and keep walking.

Well since I’m a different breed of human, the decision was made to risk my stomach and sanity to try this 'interesting' - I emphasise highly on that word - establishment in Zamalek, right next to the El Sawy Culturewheel.

Walking inside there was no aroma, which scared me because this is a food establishment and there’s always a smell of something when you walk into one. Whether it’s pleasant, vile or anything in between, there should always be a smell in a place of food. 

Disregarding this I walked up to the counter and was greeted politely by the guy working behind the counter. He started speaking to me in machine-gun-rapid Arabic and I just politely stuck my palm up and told him, “No Arabic”. The look on his face changed a bit (for better or for worse I have no idea) and he just handed me a menu. The menu was pretty straightforward as it’s a make-your-own-sandwich kind of place, detailing the kind of bread, meat, all of that. Kind of like Subway, just less choices.

I decided to try two things and order half of my sub with their shrimp and cashew mix and the other half with beef salami. I chose a topping of mozzarella cheese for both halves and told the sandwich artist to put mayonnaise on the salami side. You apparently also get to choose a salad so I ordered a chef’s salad.

The guy behind the counter seemed to know what he was doing so I let him do it. I decided to check out the décor of the place and was…intrigued to say the least. With the infamous Minions from Despicable Me hanging all over the place and Michael Jackson music blaring in the background, I could feel my stomach getting uneasy.Alas my sandwich was finally complete. It came out looking pretty tasty at least, and the cheese was all melted and oozing over the sides. My opinion swung towards the positive; I hate when my cheese isn’t melted thoroughly. So I sat down and prayed I wouldn’t regret it.

One bite down my mouth was hit with a plethora of flavours, ranging from what I ordered to a mystery taste. I then went back to being scared. I only took two bites from each half because I wasn’t even that hungry, I just did this for the sake of you beautiful men and women reading this. Y'know so you could finally find out what the food at Facebook tastes like. Because I'm sure you've spent many, many days deep in thought about this matter. Obviously. 

Maybe I should have ordered something else because even though it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be, I definitely wouldn’t eat there again. It was really cheap, totaling to only 28 LE with a water so I paid, said my goodbyes and left, shutting away Facefood in the vault in my brain, never to be opened again.