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Five (More) Lies Egyptians Tell

Turns out, Egyptians have a whole treasure trove of lies they tell. That's why we give you round 2 of other lies we are guilty of speaking.

"I have a deviated Septum."

It appears that all the cases of deviated septums were reserved for Arab women between the ages of 16 to "wanting to recapture my youth." We all know the reality of the situation; you resemble Mr. Bean, and your side profile gives all of Israel a run for its money… and thus, you want a nose job. But for some reason theres a stigma shadowing the act of cosmetic surgery and that’s why you try to shelter your aesthetic discontentment with an excuse that can ward off criticism.

"I'm a Virgin."

We don’t have a problem with virgins, we don’t have a problem with sexual liberation. What we do have an issue with, is when a notorious womaniser or man-eater feels it necessary to proclaim that their penis is untouched or their hymen in tact. If your significant other has a problem with your sexual approach towards life, you’re barking up the wrong body. Find someone who shares the same view as you, and please stop trying to justify your actions with such claims. Then again, we have to recognise the societal and familial pressures surrounding the act of sex, so perhaps this lie merits a “get out of the gynecologist free” card. 

"I'm taking it easy for a while."

We usually hear this lie after someone’s indulged in a successive bout of hardcore partying. It can be said right after, during, or before the weekend. You ask, “Are you doing Nacelle this weekend?” They say, “no man, I’m taking it easy for a while.” There should be a bullshit buzzer that goes off every time someone says this. This is because you’re almost guaranteed to see them out a week later, doing the same old thing, and doing it with greater zeal than ever before. You know, to make up for that lost weekend when you were taking it easy for “a while.”

"I'm transferring next semester..."

This one usually applies to fresh undergrads. You walk into AUC, dragging your feet behind you and hating on life. It’s hot, and FYE is making you contemplate the meaning of life, and how futile it really is. That’s when you realise that some of your peers don’t speak adequate English, and you begin to feel demoralised for having worked your ass off in high school only to be seated with kids who literally do not know the meaning of “anus” (true story, it happened). Out of this misery is born that repeated lie, whether to yourself or to others… “I’m transferring next semester.” Then of course you see that person, four (or more) years later, still on campus, still dragging their feet behind them, and playing with a token they acquired from an AA meeting. 

"The cheating doesn't mean anything..."

This is commonly used by the upper classes. Guys (and girls) indulge in some sexual endeavour with people outside of their relationships. When confronted by their significant other as to why they couldn’t keep it in their pants, the feeble statement of; “It didn’t mean anything.” To set the record straight, this is bullshit reasoning that only carries the torch of the selfish act forward. It may not have meant anything to you, but it meant something to the party that gets cheated on. Unless he/she tells you that an open relationship is on the table, let it be known that it’s not okay to wet your willy with someone else – oh yes, even if it doesn’t “mean anything.” A note to anyone cheated on, dump your “lover”, and then ask them to adopt an apathetic take on the matter. You’re a liar, so fuck you.