Tuesday March 21st, 2023
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How to Annoy Your Egyptian Dad

We mean, it doesn't take much to piss an Egyptian father off, but here's 10 fail-safe ways to set him off anyway.

Staff Writer

Get a tattoo/piercing

A tattoo is haram and shows the world you are a kafer. A piercing shows the world you are not a man. You're weird. Fucking weird.

Get a funky haircut

If you don't get your hair cut so that it's brushed to the back with short sides and it looks like an oblong, you are a punk, and no one will respect you.

If you're a girl and refer to your male friend as sa7by

You should call him zemeely if you are not getting married to him!

Wear skinny jeans

If you wear skinny jeans, awel 7aga, you are not a man. Tany 7aga, they will put too much pressure on your testicles and you will never bare a child. Next time you're trying to look cool,  spare a thought for Baba's grandson.

Say you support Zamalek when if he supports Ahly (and vice versa)

You are no son of mine! How dare you support 11 other grown men kicking a ball around, wearing almost exactly the same colours whose players make up half the national team along with the rival team! Emshy men hena! You don’t even understand football.

Tell him you want to be an artist

I didn't send you to the most expensive school so you can play with crayons! You cannot draw food for us to eat! You'll make your mother cry! Why don't you want to be a doctor or a bashmohandis like your cousin or your other cousin or your brother. You bring shame to this family.

Don’t answer your phone

Eh dah? I said if you travel you have to have your phone with you all the time, so I make sure you're okay! Why didn't you answer? You could have been kidnapped. Are you drunk! The remote isn't working, how do I get it to work?!

Having white friends

I don't trust them.

Not waking up for Friday prayers


Saying "What the fuck is this???" when Om Kalthoum is singing on TV

See all these people? See how chic? Do you hear her voice? This is real music aho. None of these people are jumping up and down. You don’t even understand music.

For 10 ways to annoy your Egyptian mother, click here.