Tuesday March 21st, 2023
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Miss Mermaid 2015 Heading to Soma Bay

You guys, the Miss Mermaid pageant is a real thing, we swear.

Staff Writer

In what we think is possibly the best news we’ve heard all month, possibly all century, Soma Bay and its absurdly blue waters will be hosting the finals of Miss Mermaid 2015, an international modelling competition, from September the 26th until October 5th. We are almost tempted to mock this event but we can’t, we really can’t; there’s so much fabulosity happening and it feels like all our childhood mermaid fantasies are being realised. We only wish that we too, could don a giant fish tail and pop some clams on our boobs and join these gals in thrashing around in the sea. Except we are adults so…

This week, women aged 17-30 from all around the world, from Germany to Lebanon to Thailand, will descend upon Sheraton Soma Bay’s shores to compete for the ultimate prize of grown women flopping around the sand in mermaid costumes. The competition will feature a week of challenges; who can best cook Sebastian, how many human world items they can name, who can brush their hair the fastest with a fork, that sort of thing. Just kidding. Apparently they’re going to have a week of snorkelling, diving, fashion catwalks and photo shoots in mermaid outfits while dramatically holding seashells.

According to Miss Mermaid’s press release, “A professional jury will evaluate each finalist‘s mermaid look, charisma and brainpower in an interview situation, outfit creativity, underwater mermaid posing as well as sportiness in the disciplines swimming and diving.” Underwater. Mermaid. Posing. That is a term they have used with no sarcastic undertones.

We wonder what some of these questions designed to evaluate their brainpower will be. Let’s guess. They’re going to show them gadgets and gizmos galore and they have to name them. First girl to recognise the spoon wins!

And at the end of all this, the final girls/women/merladies, who have been dubbed The Daughters of Poseidon by the way, will be crowned at an extravagant gala at the Sheraton Soma bay with VIPs and international media in attendance; the likes of Nemo, Flipper, and Ariel’s third sister will be present.

Anyway, ahead of the competition we invite you to take a look at these girls who will soon be flipping around on the sand. Look at these girls, aren’t they neat!

I like to stare really intensely at starfish sometimes. I’m jealous of all their legs. 

Flounder, where you at? I’ve been waiting here for like an hour. You’re fucking late. 

Seriously Flounder, I'm really pissed off right now.  

YAASS! I’m finally on land! 

Omg sunshine! It’s really not better down where it’s wetter, they’ve been lying to me for all these years. Look how darn white I am. All there is for me under the sea is LIES. 

You can find out more on Soma Bay's Facebook page here