Only in Egypt: Worst FB Posts

The time it takes to become a DJ is roughly equal to the time it takes to download Traktor on your PC and post your new set. Everyone is a DJ, an everyone is playing the same music, so just because you arranged tracks made by other people in a slightly different way than the other 1,000,000 Egyptian DJs on Facebook, it, frankly, does not pique our interest.

The Meditation Selfie

This one begs the question: when you're in Lotus position, in the midst of an ethereal journey to peace and connection with the one true Source, at what point do you have time to shout: "Quick, quick! Take a picture of me posing whilst meditating! Everyone will think I'm spiritual and shit!"?

The Love Letter

Usually involves a picture of the lovely couple, usually at Tamarai, usually drunk, usually posing for CairoZoom (the trifecta of a pointless relationship) and consists of a heartfelt soliloquy usually along the lines of: "Mohammed, I love you, You are my rock, I would be nothing without you, through hard times and the good, I love rocks..”. or something. The next day, Mohammed likes a picture on the best friend’s profile picture album which shows a little bit of side-boob. Expect the usual and equally annoying "Is no longer in a relationship” status. 7assal kheir.  

The En Route

No one cares where you are, where you're going, how long you take to get there or what you're doing on the way. We promise you, we swear on our lives, that even if you don't post where you are or where you're en route to, YOU WILL STILL EXIST. Go on try it out; close your eyes and imagine…

Sibling Love

You know those loving sibling statuses and photos? "If you have a bigger sister who you love and is always there for you and is also your best friend and will wipe your bum for you, etc. etc. then share this post!” Reality check: your siblings think this is lame and will call you out on as much, and then Frape you.

"Save the Elephants!"

Charity is a wonderful thing. On Facebook, however, it is an irritating thing. By clicking share, you will not be saving that elephant or that little orphan child, or the dog who’s been tied to a shop in Zamalek for ten years. You will, however, be spamming.