Wednesday December 6th, 2023
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Poker Face

Here's five reasons Kristen Stewart should be a professional poker player...

Staff Writer

Its actresses like Kristen Stewart that make the un-famous feel that perhaps Hollywood is all about sleeping your way to the top. After all, although the girl is attractive, she can’t act to save her life. Propelled to fame after securing the role of Bella in the Twilight screen trilogy, she’s failed to prove her acting skills…  Actually, that’s too kind. She’s got the dynamism of a box. In fact, even a box is able to pull off more faces than she. But that’s all right, no one is hopeless. Here we have 5 reasons why Kirsten Stewart would make for an ideal professional poker player:

1. Here we have her being chased by a mad man bearing a machete. 

2. Here Miss Stewart was just informed that her dog died.

3. This was the face she made when Robert Pattison first said “I love you.”

4. And it was remarkably similar to the face she made when she discovered she had an infected colon.

5. Upon reading this article, we imagine she’s making this face…