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The Future Of Throwing

Anyone with an Arab mother can tell you, nothing quite stings like the rubber sole of a shoe to the back...

When you throw a shoe, with the perfect whipping-motion, and watch it fly through the air like a knife cutting through a tomato, it’s almost beautiful. Once the shoe hits its target and you hear that thud, it’s unspeakably rewarding. Unless, of course, you are the recipient. In that case it stings, hurts and is humiliating. Ahmadinejad visited Cairo on Tuesday and was just that: a recipient of a solid shoe-throwing.

Now, Arabs throwing shoes at political figures is nothing new. Ever since the double shoe fail to George Bush Jr., it’s kinda been our trademark. After the thorough humiliation the man faced by missing twice, it’s safe to say we have been training. We have been working hard at perfecting the craft and since then, almost every shoe has hit its target (we’re looking at you, Shafik). To read up on the amazing list of people who have had shoes thrown at them around the world, check this delicious Wikipedia page. Naturally, and because we apparently have nothing better to do, we started to wonder: How did we get so good at throwing shoes? We believe it really comes down to something as simple as Angry Birds. No game has caught on with all age groups in this region as much as Angry Birds.

Thanks to Angry Birds, people now take weight, size and angles into account before throwing their shoes. Take, for instance, the Shafik shoe-ing: that shoe was MASSIVE. The shoe either belonged to Shaq or Andre The Giant. No way was anyone wearing that shoe, so that means someone brought that shoe to do for a specific purpose: smacking a political figure in the head. Now shoes have had their fun, it’s time we had a new arsenal. Let’s spice things up…Let’s start throwing things that also make a statement:

1) Gasoline: Let’s show them that they can raise the prices and give us a 5 litre limitation, but we WILL use one of those litres to ruin your suit.

2) Fruits and Vegetables: Nothing is as funny as a tomato to the face. Let’s bring it back by going old school. Also, we can make a statement on how we should treat our farmers better. NOTE: If it’s a black political figure don’t throw a BANANA. We repeat DO NOT THROW A BANANA! It simply becomes racist and loses it’s fun.

3) Street cats: We got a lot of them, let’s use them.

4) Cupcakes: There are too many cupcake in Egypt. Let’s whip them at dictators, simply to watch the icing splatter all over their faces. We also recommend doing this to Haifa Wehbe for a whole other reason.

The country is changing, and it’s time we changed our throwing strategy.