Things Rooney Can Do in Sharm

Suffice it to say, we never expected someone’s groin to make such big news unless there was something weird going into or coming out of it. However, Manchester United star and award-winning Shrek impersonator Wayne Rooney has been taking all of our groin-related newsfeeds (of which we have several) by storm with the news that he’s been sent to Sharm El Sheikh to rehab his recent muscle injury in the warm weather. We would like to welcome Mr. Rooney to Egypt with open arms and, as a sign of our hospitality, we have come up with a list of things that he can do in Sharm to make his stay as comfortable as possible.

Things Rooney can do while he’s resting his groin in Sharm

1. Break his dietician-mandated regime with some freska.

2. Get a henna-tattooed hairline.

3. Rehab his groin injury with some water volleyball.

4. Remain vigilantly wary of all the Italian guests at his hotel.

5. Not answer David Moyes phone calls.

6. Take a cold shower whenever he passes a woman over the age of 45 wearing a bikini.

7. Buy some Pharaonic souvenirs for his one true love...Robin Van Persie.

8. Try to remember to not leave a tip for the sports massage therapist.

9. Throw some shapes to “Nameless Egyptian DJ #2381”’s inevitable Deep House set.

10. Fall to the floor in pretend agony while playing beach football with 8 year olds.