Looking West is Egypt's favourite pastime. Here are six things we haven't quite got right yet...
Despite having the oldest ancient civilization known to man, with a rich tapestry of innovations that echo through the ages, the last few decades has seen Egypt lose some of this cultural pizazz and lean more towards westernised concepts, ideals and materialistic obsessions. Unfortunately, we're not very good followers, so here are our biggest imported failures...
We are probably the least refined nation when it comes to alcohol. Whisky, for instance, should probably be drank at home, possibly on an armchair, neat or on the rocks, with a buddy, maybe over talk of politics. Not from the bottle, standing on a table, at a tacky club, whilst listening to Progressive House. We drink too much or not at all. Not drinking and driving becomes a suggestion as opposed to a rule. In fact the more drunk you are when you do drive, the more impressive you may seem to the opposite sex. Drinking on meds is preferred to enhance lucid feelings.
Traditional Japanese sushi should be served at room temprature. It's as plain and clean cut as it gets, a piece of raw seafood, rice and seaweed. In Egypt, sushi is served sometimes fried and warm, freezing cold, with melted cheese, random bits of mango, and anything else found in the kitchen.
Inking our bodies has only become slightly less haram for liberal Muslims of late, and a surge of new parlour openings has reflected that. Unfortunately, we still don't have the ideas or creativity to match the beautiful body art we glare at on Tubmlr posts. For women, it's as if they have a limited multiple choice option of either 'Hope', 'Believe' or some kind of bird inked on them somwhere. For guys, nothing but tribal. Don't get us started on Islamic tattoos.
Dreampark was instigated back in 1995. Rumors have it that once upon a time Disney were going to put their first ever Disneyland in Africa right here, but instead, development tycoon Ahmed Baghat had a different dream. Once supposed to be a shining beacon of Westernised recreation, their rides now include the incredibly dangerous verticle spinny thing without saftey harnesses, the Nintendo Wii for 50 LE a go, and the Amr Diab cassette stand ride. Just like Sindibad and all of the other amusement parks that pop up around Egypt, the dream has become a post-apocalyptic nightmare. There is nothing amusing about any of them. Papa Porto scares us.
And finally, viral list articles...