The only thing more sacred than the bro-code is the 2alam that wrote down all the rules.
Is there anything more sacred than the bro-code? Could there be any other rulebook to follow and respect so highly if not the bro-code? As our beloved Barney Stinson told us, “A bro never acknowledges the existence of ‘The Bro Code’ to a woman. It is a sacred document, not to be shared with chicks for ANY reason. No… not even THAT reason.” True wisdom, bro, but I’m kind of going to spill the beans here. The bro-code is the complete guide to becoming the perfect bro. The only problem is that the rules vary and change from culture to culture and country to country. We have our own bro-code here in Egypt; we can label it 'daleel el regoola' or 'ketab el gad3ana'. Egyptian best friends really do have these strange expectations from one another. Howa el ragil lieh 3and sa7bo eih gheer neeka, wi ta3reesa, wi shahada zoor? But seriously, it is more about just having fun.
A bro shall always show up when called upon by a bro, unless with a 9/10 hottie in bed.
(Maleesh fieh, enta geyy)
Having an exam, a doctor’s appointment, a wedding, or even a funeral to go to is nothing compared to the importance of being available for your bored best friend who needs entertainment. Whether you go to just hang out or drive around, you just have to be there - no debate; no discussion. The call mostly goes like this: “ba2olak eih yad, ana fil beet engiz wi ta3ala 3yzak daroori." You head out there every single time because that little voice inside you is warning you that this is the time it could be something serious or something too awesome to miss; it never is.
A bro shall always accept mockery or jokes from a bro with good sportsmanship, unless mom is mentioned.
(Esta7mil el saf ya nogha)
Bros can’t be bros unless they engage in a neverending cycle of mockery and belittling jokes against one another. “Ba2olak eih...” “Eih?” “Khadtak 3alieh…hahaha” is just an example of the kind of daily saf dudes live with. The twist is that, if you really are best friends, neither of you are allowed to get upset at the saf. “Wala, shayef el wad elly henak dah?” “Dah Mido. Malo?” “Khaleeh yneekak? hahaha.”
A bro will always compliment his bro for nonsense unless the public setting presents the option for laughter if the opposite is done.
(Ay tasyeet wi tazyeet)
A series of “3aash!”, “Aywa ba2aa!” or “7ot 3alieh yala” - just any excuse to compliment your best friend's talents for being superior to other random dudes. The funny thing is that it mostly happens in private because bros just love to do the exact opposite to each other when amongst larger groups; just for the laugh.
A bro shall always utilise any opportunity to celebrate any of his bro’s achievements.
“Gebt 10/20 fil emte7an”, “Mayedt call 10 fi estimation”, or “Akna3t ahli at2akhar tonight,” are very valid reasons for celebration between bros. It could vary between just loud bragging about it for a few hours, drinking and/or smoking up, or even as extreme as going out to a club or a party.
A bro shall always creep out his bro with awkwardly presented affection at random times; french kissing prohibited.
(Enta shaz yabni?)
Bros can’t be bros without the awkwardly long hugs or the creepy kisses on the cheeks. They aren’t intended to be affectionate in any way, but they are done for the pure sake of creeping one another out.
A bro shall never back out of a fight regardless of the predicted outcome, given that the bro responsible gets the ice.
(Dareb aw madroob)
Egyptians fight a lot; we fight about any and everything. It could be as serious as fighting against harassment or as silly as fighting because someone looked at someone else the wrong way; we will just jump into the fight. Sometimes the numbers or strengths are not even or fair, but a bro doesn’t care; he will just jump in there with you even if he will go home ass-kicked and bruised.
A bro shall always attentively listen to a bro’s drama, preferably with beer.
(Yalla 7ewarat wi drama)
We are all under this general misconception that girls enjoy drama and pointless 7ewarat. The truth is that each girl likes her drama and her drama only; she most probably wouldn’t enjoy hearing out your drama. A dude on the other hand would love and enjoy listening to your drama and all your 7ewarat. A bro would be so perfectly attentive and supportive. Most of the time when a guy dishes out their drama to a girl it is for tazbeet reasons; mo7n wi bta3.
A bro shall always accept the illogicality of going on surprise trips with his bro.
(Ma3ak shakib rakib fi ay khara)
We all get those moments when we just feel like doing something or going somewhere for whatever reason, but we don’t always want to be alone on these crazy ventures and most of our friends feel the need to pre-plan and think before coming with us. A bro is just on board with you for anything, no questions asked. It could be as silly and pointless as “yalla Sahel aw Sokhna,” “Afsha ma3aya aroo7 genenit el 7aywanat,” or “ana zah2an mateegi felluca.”
A bro shall always dish out all his secrets to his fellow bro and no one else.
(El sara7a ra7a)
Everyone has some deep dark secrets stashed deep inside, the kind you can’t really tell your girlfriend or family about. You can only share it with your bro because he is the only person you are 100 percent comfortable being honest with; no strings attached.
A bro shall always take any fall for (or with) his bro, unless castration is involved.
(Nisheel el khara sawa)
Whether caught cheating at school or cheating on your girlfriend, caught smoking by your parents or caught stealing by a cop, a true friend is there to take the fall with you - even take the fall for you, if possible. The thing with best bros is that they know they would share the ups so they automatically take the downs together.
A bro shall always welcome his fellow bro in his home as if it were his own
(El beet beetak)
Too drunk to go home, kicked out by your dad, suspended from school, or just bored, you know your bro’s place is your place too. You can comfortably walk into his place as if you own the place; you might even have a key. And 3adi awi ba2a you could walk straight into the kitchen unannounced and eat whatever you find.
A bro shall accept listening to a Bieber song (death) before revealing a bro’s secret.
(Sirrak fi beer - a well, not khamra)
Sorry girls, but the wide majority of you can’t keep a secret like a bro. Given, I do know many girls I can trust with a secret, but girls just like to talk about anything to anyone all the time, telling each person not tell anyone, turning it in to a crazy loop of lies.
A bro shall always attempt to be the perfect wingman, regardless of repetitive failure.
Yeah, most of us Egyptians suck at it; this whole wingman thing doesn’t really work with us. Nonetheless, we keep utilising it. Bros like to feel like they are there to help or even get help, but it always ends up becoming an ‘every man for himself’ deal. “Wala, el bit el henak di gamda fashkh, 3agbani bsara7a,” “et2al ya kbeer hazabatak,” then five mins later: “Sorry neek, bas la2et el donia mashya ma3aya ana aktar.” The best thing is that there are no hard feelings because true best bros never fight over a chick.