Some days your suggested Facebook friends make you want to quit the internet altogether. Others, they make you want to change your identity and run away.
We've all seen them and wondered what the actual F we were looking at and how on God's green Earth did these strange, strange people get on your suggested friends list on Facebook. From your MyQueen delivery guy to Engineer Fouad Abdulhalim (who's also sending strange-ass messages), we've taken it upon ourselves to list what we're now calling: FACEBOOK SUGGESTED FRIENDS ARCHETYPES.
Your Best Friend's Ex From High School
How did he get there? Is he stalking you? Did you stalk him? Also what's the statue of limitations on hooking up with your BFF's ex, cause boy's looking kind of FINE right now.
Someone You Made Out with Way Back in 2012
Thank you, Facebook. Every now and again you act as this gentle reminder for us to perhaps drink just a tiny bit less. Or periodically change our phone numbers to continue making the same mistakes.
That Weird Uncle With a Picture of a Dove and Prayer Beads
Can he see me? DELETE ACCOUNT NOW. Abort now!
The Shawerma Guy from Next Doorvia GIPHY
We curse the day Facebook and WhatsApp linked up. Now, our shawerma comes with a side order of wtf.
TöÖtÄ Bäẞy GUrl
We all know this person has a different account. Possibly even several. We're thinking one for each affair she's having. Now the trouble is why is my boss a common friend?
The Random Russian-Looking "Model"
We're left thinking like "I'd hit that, ADD, ADD, ADD", but it's probably some dude in Nigeria. We know better, but we add "her" anyway.
Cousins, Mum's Friends, and Relatives in Generalvia GIPHY
Our account can definitely do without some third-degree relative trying to school us on the religiosity, or lack of there of, of our posts and the pages we follow. Thanks, but no thanks.
Abdo El Raye'e
Common friends include the accountant from work and the profile picture most likely has a floral background and you know it's a sha'at, hooking up account. Does your wife know of your account, buddy?
The Sticker on the Back of the Bus Guy-rate
Some third-rate words of wisdom make up this account's name and you know it's trouble. Usually wielding some sort of weapon in the profile picture and nothing about this account explains why we're in the same cyber-sphere.
The Person You See, Not Meet, Once at a Party
This is where the internet gets terrifying. We were in the same place for literally one party. We're talking about an hour. Tops. Why, Facebook? Why are you so creepy?
Their profile pics are always of them topless and showing their six-packs in all their glory, and all their other pictures are from CairoZoom.