Sunday June 23rd, 2024
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Egypt Wins Big at Bodybuilding Championship

Though we may suck at everything else, apparently we Egyptians have some scarily impressive bodybuilders competing for international titles...

Staff Writer

Egypt Wins Big at Bodybuilding Championship

So, as a nation, we may not be the best at very much. Technologically speaking, we’re kind of lagging. Same goes for y’know the culinary sphere, where our forte is really just samna-soaked everything, our movie industry, which is just one giant rip-off of western films but with really bad makeup and special effects. And acting.

Our Olympic track record is sad at best, and even soccer, the sport that our entire nation practically jizzes their pants over, is not exactly our strong suit, like, in context of the rest of the world. But, BUT, goddammit we dominate at body building! It seems that when it comes to the sport of tiny head/balloon arm syndrome, we’re blowing other nations out of the water, as evidenced by our victory at the 68th IFBB Men’s World Amateur Bodybuilding Championship in Brazil today, where Egyptian Ateia Shaalan just nabbed the top spot.

Now whether you find this impressive or embarrassing is your call. Personally, we think that out of ALL THE THINGS in this big wide world that we could possibly excel at, did it really have to be bodybuilding? Men parading around in material with a smaller surface area than speedos isn’t something we really want to be amazing at as a country. On the other hand, hey, at least we’re ranking top at something that’s not obesity or pollution. We’re gonna call it a win. Congrats Shaalan.

But that’s not it. At this championship that tests how much of a shab gym you are, Egypt won five gold medals, three silver, AND a bronze. Overall, we were the winning gym shabab of the competition! No, seriously, Egypt won the whole thing. That’s probably the best we’ve performed as a country in anything, ever. With over 50 participating nations in this muscular contest and over 200 participants, we will now hold back our mockery, swallow all our mean comments, and we will say good for you, Egyptian bodybuilders. You done good.

Look at ‘em strutting their stuff on stage. They’re as graceful as ballerinas.